Rants

More songs from Wicked

2009-12-10T07:51:00.000-08:00

Hello! I have been listening to songs from Wicked recently. Here's a few beautiful ones..

1. For Good -- Elphaba and Glinda
Think we should sing stuffs like this when we graduate..

2. No Good Deed --Elphaba
Very touching.. "Fiyero" is such a musical name!

3. As Long As You're Mine-- Elphaba and Fiyero

4. Thank Goodness
Sad implications behind the song but it is sung it such a spirited manner!

All This Time

2009-10-24T09:20:00.000-07:00

Today I just went for Boarding Annual Dinner 2009--Celebration of Togetherness in Diversity. I was in the deco comm and feel a little bit sad that I won't be seeing them again, since a whole lota them are from other schools and I will be leaving Boarding when I become a year 6 next year. Will miss you guys!

More importantly, throughout the event, I kept reminding myself to not be too absorbed by self-indulgence, an important point which is aptly highlighted in this song by Delirious--All This Time. I won't embed it here but you can listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXtAObsf2aw

All This Time--Delirious
I’m a father and a son;
I’ve been a lover with just one,
But this world can get me all undone,
And I’m frightened I’m the only one.

I wrestle with the thoughts I keep,
If I sow the seed of arrogance
Then it’s loneliness I’ll reap,
It’s loneliness I’ll reap.

Please don’t leave me stranded here,
With a head of lies and a heart of fear.
My life’s a show on Gods TV,
The world an audience, watching me.

So wake me, shake me, keep me sharp,
As I touch the power of Gods great harp.
And this world can fill your head with praise,
That steals me from eternal grace.

So how can I serve God and wealth?
I can captivate an army, but I can’t control myself.
I can’t control myself.
Ghostly figure out at sea,
I hear a voice that’s calling me,
To walk upon the waves of faith.
For in the arms of God, I am safe.

[The highest point of the song]
All this time, since the day that I was born,
I’ve never known a time like this,
I don’t wanna let you down.
I will sing, sing for your light has come.

Bill Gilman's songs

2009-10-15T20:50:00.000-07:00

Hello people!

Thanks to Vera's introduction, I have been listening to a couple of Bill Gilman songs..

Here's three of my favourites!

1. Oklahoma
This is classic.. If I don't listen to it for a while and I listen to it again, I will feel like crying all over again.

2. God's Alive and Well
Very nice lyrics. When he first appeared on Larry King Live, I think he was supposed to sing another song. But in view of the then-"recent" 911 attacks, he chose to sing this song instead. I didn't put up the live version because I prefer the use of a few instruments in this version.

3. My Time On Earth
Again, he sang this on Larry King Live. I like the chorus lyrics a lot..

I like I Gotta Make It To Summer as well but.. if ever there is a next time, next time! ;)

2009-03-13T21:02:00.000-07:00

How Could I Live Without You
For your love is higher than heavens
Deeper than seas
All I want is You in my life
No one else can satisfy my soul
Make me fill this way
Only You Lord, Only You

2009-03-10T09:08:00.000-07:00

God of This City

- Composed by BlueTree

- Sung by Chris Tomlin

About declaring the greatness of God in a place. Should be declared in every city!

Hello Love

- Chris Tomlin

A song about what is central to God's nature--Love.

Give us Clean Hands

- Chris Tomlin

A very old songs. Talks of total surrender and obedience to God.

I Adore You

2009-03-07T10:33:00.000-08:00

I Adore You--Hillsong

This is an old song but it still speaks to people because it talks of how GREAT God is!

We will crown Him, King forever
Living Saviour, Jesus Redeemer
Lord of Heaven, Clothe in majesty
Crowned in Glory, creation adores You...

2009-02-16T07:45:00.000-08:00

Glorified--Jared Anderson

This is an awesome song that we sang in church yesterday! Really spoke to my heart about giving up our one life to Jesus because He gave His to us...

Another song by Desperation Band--Promises

2009-01-17T00:11:00.000-08:00

With Everything by Hillsongs

We've been singing this a lot since Rad(i)cal Camp. I guess it's because it's a challenging song, something that challenges us to walk in deeper levels with God... It's been like an anthem in my life in this season.

This is another song of praise to my God! Sing it as you hear it! XD

High and Lifted up by Hillsongs

Amazing Grace trailer

2008-11-25T06:29:00.000-08:00

Might as well.. ;)

2008-11-24T06:56:00.000-08:00

Amazing Grace-Chris Tomlin

Don't look down on this song and say it's a old hymn, cos Chris Tomlin has given a modern twist to it and yet, it retains the meaning of old times--the grace of God is redemptive and freeing!

Music video

Acapella version with snippets of the movie that documented the story behind the song: how William Wilberforce tried to abolish slavery in Europe. Very touching... The official trailer on Youtube is also very moving; I best remember the part where an African slave said that he was a prince in Africa.

I think it's a bit sad.. some songwriters of these days write such unmelodious songs. It's like their singing the same note again and again PLUS awful lyrics. Doesn't quite do justice to music.. Music is important! I don't think I can quite live without music ;)

2008-11-18T05:52:00.000-08:00

Some info i'd just like to remember for my IR.

How to win the Cold War
By Dawn Tay
Tue, Nov 18, 2008
my paper

GOT the sniffles? You won't be alone - the peak flu season has arrived in Singapore.

Every year, about 600 Singaporeans die from flu and flu-related complications, says a study done between 1996 and 2002 by the Ministry of Health (MOH) and the Singapore General Hospital.

World Health Organisation experts believe an influenza epidemic is imminent. They estimate that the pandemic could quickly result in 2 million to 7.4 million deaths globally, overwhelming existing medical facilities and vaccine supplies.

It might also take several months before new vaccines can be developed.

Around one million people worldwide died in the last flu outbreak in 1968.

Unlike in temperate countries, flu is present all year-round in Singapore - with seasonal peaks from November to January, and April to June.

But what can people do to reduce their chances of being hit by the flu bug? my paper finds out from three doctors.

They are Dr Daniel Chan, vice-president of ParkwayHealth Primary Care Network; Dr Clarence Yeo from Killiney Family and Wellness Clinic; and Well Family Clinic and Surgery's Dr Alvin
Wong.

Flu or cold? How does one tell the difference?
Similar symptoms between the two infections create some confusion, but a simple rule of thumb is to measure the severity of the symptoms.

Dr Wong explained: "If you've got a cold and there was a $2 note flying around outside, you'd run out to catch it. If you've the flu, you'd look at it, groan and go back to bed."

If all you have are the sniffles, a cough, and an itchy throat, it's probably a cold. Expect symptoms to disappear after a few days.

Flu symptoms are nastier - like high fevers (39 to 41 deg C), joint and muscle pains, lethargy, coughs and sore throats that can take up to two weeks to clear.

While complications arising from a cold are rather rare, the elderly and young children are vulnerable to developing complications from a flu.

Is it true that there is no cure for colds and flu?
The flu and cold are caused by different families of viruses, which cannot be killed with medication. Only the body's immune system can get rid of the viruses. Doctors use a variety of medicines, such as antibiotics, to treat the symptoms.

Over 200 different viruses can cause colds and there are no vaccines. The most common is the "nose" virus, responsible for around 50 per cent of all colds.

Said Dr Wong: "These cold viruses are in regular flux and change with time. It's impractical and almost impossible to develop vaccines against all of them."

There are three types of flu viruses - type A, B and C. Type A viruses are the most virulent and cause the most severe symptoms in humans.

Are flu vaccines 100 per cent effective?
Most vaccines last up to a year and are not foolproof - those in Singapore are 70- to 80-per-cent effective, said Dr Yeo and Dr Wong.

There are two major types of flu, the "northern" and "southern" strain, which includes the deadly H3N2 - the most predominant strain in Singapore.

Jabs for the northern strain are usually given at the beginning and the end of the year. Jabs for the southern strain, on the other hand, are given in the middle of the year.

Each shot costs around $25 to $30 and is available at selected hospitals, polyclinics and family clinics. The vaccines can cause minor side effects such as soreness and fevers, and - on rare occasions - severe allergic reactions.

Why do I get a slight flu immediately after vaccination?
Said Dr Chan: "Flu vaccines contain a half-dead version of the actual virus and may cause a mini-infection."

This stimulates the body's immune system to fight back. The body will then be able to mount a faster and more effective response to future attacks by real viruses, thus helping to ward off infections.

Do home remedies like vitamin C, garlic and echinacea actually work?
There is no hard evidence that these "natural remedies" can prevent or cure colds and flu.

Said Dr Yeo: "But they help to boost our immune system, which ultimately helps to overcome the virus."

What should I do to avoid catching the flu? And what should I do if my child or I catch it?

Prevention is better than cure.
Said Dr Wong: "As flu strains mutate, keeping up-to-date with annual flu jabs is the best bet against flu."

To keep viruses at bay, build up your immune system with a proper diet and adequate exercise.

Practise good hygiene like washing your hands frequently, sneezing into tissues, and avoiding close contact with people who are ill.

The pressures of everyday life can also weaken the immune system. Some studies show that people suffering from chronic stress come down with more colds and upper-respiratory infections.

Chilly weather also weakens the body's natural immunity, leading to infections.

When down with a cold, drink plenty of fluids and rest. Treat mild symptoms with paracetamol or aspirin, but consult a doctor if they become more severe, or flu-like symptoms develop.

Stay home from work, and keep children at home, away from school, to avoid passing on the bug.

2008-11-17T06:11:00.000-08:00

You're the Inspiration by Peter Cetera

You know our love was meant to be
the kind of love that lasts forever
And I want you here with me
from tonight until the end of time.

You should know, everywhere I go
Always on my mind, in my heart
in my soul..baby

Chorus
You're the meaning in my life
you're the inspiration.
You bring feeling to my life
you're the inspiration.
Wanna have you near me
I wanna have you hear me sayin':
No one needs you more than I need you.

And I know, yes I know that it's plain to see
So in love when we're together.
Now I know that I need you here with me
From tonight until the end of time.
You should know, everywhere I go
Always on my mind you're in my heart in my soul.

Chorus

Wanna have you near me
I wanna have you hear me sayin':
NO ONE needs you more than I need you

Here's two different ways of singing it! I love both.. Mind you i'm not posting the first because I like Emma and Daniel. I just like the Chicagoes singing this song...

2008-11-03T00:34:00.000-08:00

刊登时间：23 December 2005 2352 hrs (SST) 1552 hrs (GMT)
最后更新：23 December 2005 2352 hrs (SST) 1552 hrs (GMT)

卫生部加强监管福利机构须公布收入和盈余

[亚洲新闻网] 新传媒8频道报道，新加坡卫生部加强对慈善机构的监管，以提高慈善机构的财务透明度。大型慈善机构将必须公布敏感资料，包括职员薪金和巨额合约，并且在网上刊载有关资料。卫生部是在KPMG对NKF的调查报告中建议当局加强对慈善机构的监管后，做出这个宣布。

NKF和仁慈医院将是卫生部监管下的两个最大的慈善机构。这两个机构都被列为公益慈善机构，常年收入都超过500万元。

除了这两家慈善机构，卫生部也要求另外的12家慈善机构公布，属下高级管理层的常年薪酬，以及款额超过100万元的合约。

卫生部也将委托公共会计公司，来审查14家较大型慈善机构的管理方式。同时，卫生部的网站将公布，100家慈善机构的财务资料，这包括最近的常年收入、开支和储备状况，让公众查阅。

卫生部加强对慈善机构的监管，以提高慈善机构的财务透明度。大型慈善机构将必须公布敏感资料，包括职员薪金和巨额合约，并且在网上刊载有关资料。卫生部是在KPMG对NKF的调查报告中，建议当局加强对慈善机构的监管后，做出这个宣布。

卫生部也已经以书面通知慈善机构的所有董事局成员，他们最终必须对慈善机构的道德原则负责。在NKF事件中，一个令人关注的课题是，筹款经费占总筹款额的比例。全国志愿服务与慈善中心认为，目前的计算方式并不规范，应该有更清楚的明文规定。

一晚的慈善演出，往往可以筹集超过百万元的善款。虽然有条例规定，筹款演出的开支，不能超过所筹得善款的30%。但是，到底该怎么计算，并没有明确的准则。

全国志愿服务慈善中心执行理事长杨紫群说，“当务之急，是清晰明确的条例注明什么项目属于筹款的开支。如果一年有数个筹款活动是个别计算，还是整体计算。”

政府的跨部门委员会正在检讨这些条例，预计在明年2月会有新建议公布。不过归根究底，慈善团体理事会的素质和责任感非常重要。全国志愿服务与慈善中心将在明年开始，为福利团体寻找适当的董事人选，并确保他们清楚自己的职责。

An interesting news article

2008-10-15T03:07:00.000-07:00

Here's a news article that I found. It's quite interesting. On a side note, I think that I've become less creative. I'm always copying artwork when I need art to be done. Then for music project, I have no idea what to do...

Corporatisation of Changi: Will it serve national interests?
Wed, Oct 15, 2008
The Straits Times
By Chua Mui Hoong, Senior Writer

What is surprising about corporatising Changi Airport is not that it was done at all, but that it took so long.

After all, corporatisation has been the way for governments to divest [to get rid of something that you own] state assets since the 1980s.

When a state asset or government agency is corporatised, citizens may start asking who benefits from such an exercise. The key question is whether the national interest is served, and how, by corporatisation. Otherwise, why bother?

Singapore's love affair with corporatisation dates back some 20 years, when the virtue of small government was touted, and theorists advocated the mass hiving off [to seperate one part of a business from the rest, usually by selling it] of flabby [weak and ineffective] state enterprises to subject them to the discipline of the market.

Corporatisation involves introducing corporate structures to a former government-controlled entity, like having a management team report to a board of directors and giving autonomy in hiring and firing decisions. The entity may still be fully owned by the state, but has an intermediate layer to report to.

Corporatisation may be considered the half-way point in the eventual journey towards privatisation - which is when a corporation is sold to private investors or listed on the stock market.

Many types of state enterprises or services have been corporatised or privatised. The decision on which structure to consider depends on the nature of the entity. Often, one key consideration before privatising a former state-owned company is to ask if a strategic asset is involved. If it is, then it may not be in the national interest to privatise it.

To determine if a particular corporatisation move benefits the national interest, we may consider several issues.

First: Does it inject discipline into a flabby enterprise?

For Singapore, this was not really an issue since many state-owned entities were actually doing well financially.

Changi Airport, for example, wins accolades for being among the best in the world, and managed an operating surplus of $367.7 million last year.

But Changi Airport would enjoy more flexibility as a result of corporatisation, which would allow it to compete for businesses overseas. From this point of view, removing the shackles of direct state control benefits the airport management company, and gives it leeway to expand.

Second: Do customers benefit?

This is often a pertinent question in corporatisation of domestic services. When formerly government-run hospitals or universities are corporatised, there may be an inherent conflict in their new desire to improve bottom lines, and in the public interest of keeping fees affordable.

Ensuring that customers - patients and students in these cases - are better off after corporatisation keeps the focus sharply on the public interest.

But in the case of airports or ports, customers are not individual citizens, but are foreign companies - airlines which use the airports, or shipping lines which call at the PSA port.

Still, benefiting customers protects the national interest in an indirect way, if the airport or port can enhance its status as an aviation or shipping hub, bringing about economic benefits to the nation.

The third question to pose: Who benefits from the transaction when a state agency is corporatised or privatised? If an agency is sold, what is the price? If it is privatised, who benefits from the capitalisation?

In SingTel's case, the Government made a canny decision to let Singaporeans benefit from the initial public offering and expected rise in price of its shares, via a massive share ownership exercise in 1993. This silenced any potential critics that the sale of a state telecommunications agency benefits foreigners, or speculators, at the expense of citizens.

In Changi Airport's case, the transaction price to Temasek Holdings will be settled after a separate valuation exercise by the Government.

The Business Times reported analysts estimating the value of Changi Airport as between US$1.5 billion to US$2 billion (S$2.2 billion to S$3 billion). One analyst predicted that the transaction may be at a slight discount given that it is an internal transaction - since Temasek Holdings is wholly owned by the state anyway.

Still, it is desirable for the sake of transparency for the basis of that valuation, the final transaction price, and the justification for it, to be made public.

Fourth and most vital question when an infrastructure asset is corporatised: Does control of a strategic asset pass out of state or national hands after corporatisation or privatisation?

This is important because few governments will want to lose control of the use of key infrastructure, including ports and airports, in times of emergency.

In Singapore, utilities company Singapore Power and port operator PSA are both 100 per cent owned by Temasek Holdings, an investment agency whose sole shareholder is the Finance Ministry.

Changi Airport too will be run by a Temasek-owned company, and will not be open for bidding by foreign airport management companies. Nor will it be sold any time soon, the Transport Ministry said.

But retaining control of an asset does not mean no competition is possible. Even while protecting management control of the airport operation, some elements of airport operations have been opened up for competition.

One example is ground services handling, including check-in, baggage handling and catering services, which was opened up for competition in 2004.

This differentiated approach of opening the competitive segment of a market while retaining management control of the strategic part of the infrastructure, was also adopted in the deregulation [removal of governmental rules and controls from a business] of the energy market.

Control of the power grid which transmits electricity to homes and businesses remains with Singapore Power, while power generation is contestable.

Singapore's past experience with corporatisation has clearly paid off for Changi Airport. Separating the regulator from the operating company; ensuring a fair price is paid; and allowing competition while preserving strategic control of the infrastructure - these are all time-tested ways of preserving the national interest while corporatising to allow the operator maximum autonomy.

2008-09-13T08:30:00.000-07:00

Stuff from August Rush! I love the music behind this!

2008-09-07T11:14:00.000-07:00

I used to go to this church. Haha... I remember the bitter and sweet moments that I had in the children's ministry! =)

Now Lakewood church has grown by leaps and bounds!

2008-09-05T04:23:00.000-07:00

Lord of the Rings theme song--Howard Shore

This is the best theme song I could find on youtube so far! Captures the flute, which is my favourite part!

2008-09-03T21:12:00.001-07:00

Drums+ Take Me Home-- Phil Collins

2008-09-02T07:34:00.000-07:00

What If--Nicole Nordeman

What if you're right
And He was just another nice guy
What if you're right
What if it's true
They say the cross will only
make a fool of you

And what if it's true
What if He takes His place in history
With all the prophets and the kings
Who taught us love and came in peace
But then the story ends
What then

(Chorus)
But what if you're wrong
What if there's more
What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for

What if you jump
Just close your eyes
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by suprise

What if He's more than enough
What if it's love

What if you dig (what if you dig)
Way down deeper than your simple-minded friends
What if you dig
And what if you find (what if you find)
A thousand more unanswered questions down inside (what if you find)
That's all you find

What if you pick apart the logic
And begin to poke the holes
What if the crown of thorns is no more than folklore that must be told
And retold

(Chorus)

You've been running as fast as you can
And you've been looking for a place you can land
For so long

But what if you're wrong
What if you jump
Just close your eyes
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by suprise
What if He's more than enough
What if it's love
What if it's love

Teaching

2008-08-21T04:21:00.000-07:00

Through being a volunteer at CareHut, I realised that when we display
preference of one teacher over another, we're making the other feel horrible.
That kinda causes me to think a bit because our class always discriminates
against certain teachers.
Somtimes it seems that some teachers don't really care about us, that
they are teaching just to earn some fast money. I'm just thinking that the
teachers, especially for hard-working teachers, may just still have a heart to
"gain a place" in the hearts of students. I guess not everyone is into the
profession just for the iron rice bowl. Don't get me wrong, I don't think that
teachers are grovelling for our support, nor are they frantically trying to
entertain students, but I just feel that they actually appreciate it if we show
them our support.

I want to continue my thoughts from where I left off..

Mr CSS is getting better. I was awake throughout the whole of today's lesson! You know, he's actually very smart. I think that when he has ideas, he can communicate them quite well too. But I guess he doesn't really know everything that the brainy people would like him to know, nor does he really have much charisma, which is inevitably important as a modern teacher.

In spite of that, we can be a bit overly mean to him at times. In fact, we can be overly mean, judgemental and critical of every teacher. Maybe that is one of the reasons why teachers leave NUSH. Being a teacher in this school is very stressful. No doubt one of the main characteristics that every good teacher should have is respect for his/her job, in the sense that the teacher sets a goal of wanting to impart new knowledge and life values into students lives. One who respects the duty of teaching can be easily identified; that person will make efforts to understand students and even get down to trying to see things through their viewpoint (oh this trait is so important when we learn the tough sciences). Of course, as a teacher, one must also be qualified. Teaching is certainly not regurgigating the textbook. Hence one must firstly have a broad base of knowledge, and secondly have the ability to make facts and concepts come alive!

In the modern world, as students begin to be more reflexive (or critical, as a pessimist may say), teachers increasingly take on an entertainers role. I think that teachers, like every other human being, would like to be appreciated and well-liked. Who wants to be the social reject? I bet even self-proclaimed social rejects have a deep desire to be accepted. A teacher may be bo chap, but would never be happy to find oneself unliked(unless it's for disciplinary purposes that one has landed oneself into an uncomfortable situation). Hence, in order to gain this popularity, some may try to do things that make the students happy e.g. give sweets, crack jokes (whether they be related to the topic or not), release students early all the time. These tactics may not be good all the time.

What a fix the teachers are in! Do they stretch themselves to be popular, or work their students out in order that they may excel? this is not a dilemma, but rather a very stressful situtation. A teacher can be well-liked and yet train up outstanding students. It just that... this outcome calls for supermen and superwomen to arise from the teaching population.

For Good

2008-08-19T05:24:00.001-07:00

Hey check out this touching song by Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth! I think it's the musicalities that is most beautiful...

2008-08-16T08:33:00.000-07:00

Hey people this is a very very touching testimony by Jill McCloghry... Reminds me to continue to HAVE FAITH in God! Really it is very easy to say but not easy to do, especially in these days...

I WILL SING PRAISE! I WILL SING PRAISE!

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that’s within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

VERSE 2:
This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

CHORUS:
I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

VERSE 3:
This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I’ll stand

BRIDGE:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

VERSE 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favour and providence flow
I know I’m filled to be emptied again
The seed I’ve received I will sow

2008-07-23T10:12:00.001-07:00

I am blogging for 5mins to destress.

There is a kinda hopelessness when I did my NAPTFA. Like I might as well not even aim for silver. I cannot get my standing broad jump right...

Again and again, I realise that teaching and leading are two things that are not easy to do.

Through being a volunteer at CareHut, I realised that when we display preference of one teacher over another, we're making the other feel horrible. That kinda causes me to think a bit because our class always discriminates against certain teachers.

Somtimes it seems that some teachers don't really care about us, that they are teaching just to earn some fast money. I'm just thinking that the teachers, especially for hard-working teachers, may just still have a heart to "gain a place" in the hearts of students. I guess not everyone is into the profession just for the iron rice bowl.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think that teachers are grovelling for our support, nor are they frantically trying to entertain students, but I just feel that they actually appreciate it if we show them our support.

Being a leader is also no easy task. Influence, according to what I learnt in church, is the most critical feature of a leader.

Gratitude

2008-07-21T05:03:00.000-07:00

There has been something welling up within my recently.

I begin to realise that there are actually SO MANY people around me who are investing their lives, time and money into my life!

FIrst there's my parents who invest all of the above. Even in the times when I am very sharp and hurtful, they are still there. When I grow up I must encourage them and continue to believe in being together as a family. I hope to forgive them of their imperfections, which inevitably come into light because we spend SO much time together... Parents are indeed irreplacable.

Then there's my church leaders, Sis Kim, Bro Shannon, Bro Andy, Pas Gary etc. etc. I am only listing those who are closer to me. I can actually list all of the leaders in church because even if they do not know me personally, whenever they speak to youths, they seem to be unable to help it but leave something behind in the youth's heart/mind.

And again, there are my seniors. I know I have been thoroughly irritating at times, especially when I was in year 1 and 2. But I notice that there are some seniors that really believe in me. It's very hard to put into words how they went about showing me that. Perhaps those in council gave me leadership opportunities (no matter how lousy I was); Perhaps those in netball made friends with me (no matter how badly I played; Perhaps they simply sat down to hear me out (yea I appreciate my seniors who jus begin to talk with me!). It is these seniors that I will model after!

Who could forget the teachers? Once again, I think I have been rude to them on a few counts. I don't even know how some of them are so willing to talk to me again! Hai.. I could not achieve half my academic standard now if I had not had great teachers over my 10years of education.

For now, these are the few groups of people whom I know have invested something into my life. No one will read this but I want gratitude to just overflow out of my heart as I write to my thoughts down...

Sometimes, we need to count our blessings.

2008-05-21T01:56:00.000-07:00

Been reading C.S. Lewis's The Screwtape Letters. I began to realise many things that I have never realised about temptation. But there is something that I don't understand. I've typed it out below for all to try and figure it out.

Background: Screwtape, a master tempter, is teaching his nephew Wormwood how to tempt someone (Wormwood's "patient") into sin. Here Screwtape is talking about the various causes of human laughter, one of which is called the Joke Proper. (split into smaller paragraphs for readers' ease)

The Joke Proper, which turns on sudden perception of incongruity[what in the world does this mean?], is a much more promising field. I am not thinking primarily of indecent or bawdy humour, which, though much relied upon by second-rate tempters, is often disappointing in results.

The truth is that humans are pretty clearly divided into two classes. There are some to whom "no passion is as serious as lust" and for whome an indecent story ceases to produce lasciviousness[strong sexual desire] precisely in so far as it becomes funny: there are others in whome laugter and lust are excited at the same moment and by the same things.

The first sort joke about sex because it gives rise to many incongruities: the second cultivate incongruities because they afford a pretext for talking about sex.

If your man is of the first type, bawdy humour will not help you--I shall never forget the hours which I waste with one of my early patients in bars and smoking-rooms before I learnt this rule. Find out which group the patient belongs to--and see that he does not find out.

I especially don't understand the part about incongruities. Anyone who has a better understanding?

Finished a book called "The Secret Life of Bees" already. One of the discussion questions ask about whether we were rooting for Lily and Zach. Yes I certainly am! I clearly remember the part as follows:

He moved like a person with a genuine love of bees. I could not believe how gentle and softhearted he could be. One of the frames he lifted out leaked honey the colour of plums.

"It's purple!" I said.

"When the weather turns hot and the flowers dry up, the bees strat sucking elderberry. It makes a purple honey. People will pay two dollars for a jar of purple honey.."

He dipped his finger into the comb and, lifting my veil, brought it close to my lips. I opened my mouth, let his finger slide in, sucking it clean. The sheerest smile brushed his lips, and heat rushed up my body. He bent towards me. I wanted him to lift back my veil and kiss me, and I knew he wanted to do it, too, by the way he fixed his eyes on mine. We stayed like that while bees swirled around our heads with a sound like sizzling bacon, a sound that no longer registered as danger. Danger, I realised, was a thing you got used to.

Of course, they didn't kiss; they were of different races in the 1964 Southern society of America. Besides, they were supposed to be working.

2008-04-30T21:53:00.000-07:00

Great it's after the exams! I just realised that I must have spent half an hour reading Shaunice's blog=/ Anyway, like I mentioned, I'd just like to share some thoughts about this video.

Recently, I've been thinking about how much I will miss the year 6s when they are gone!

Firstly would be their talents! Dancers, musicians and cheerleaders are in abundance in the year 6 cohort. W0uldn't our school be a slight duller place with Sugar Rush, the seniors from the dance team as well as the key musicians in our orchestra?

And they've done great at setting a good first year record for our school. Acads are not a problem for them. They are sent for competitions here, there, everywhere.

Probably none of them will read my blog. Maybe only a small handful know my name. Perhaps I have been an irritating junior to some of them at some point of time or another.

But I am grateful for them! This is probably one of the main reasons why I want to be able to organise something for them. But they do have very high expectations that we juniors are supposedly not aware of...

What will happen when our batch leaves? I just hope that we can sing this song that I have just posted.

2008-04-23T04:42:00.000-07:00

I'd like to think that this is every's dad's wish... Reminds us to honour our parents... They aren't looking for good grades, a lot of money earned by us or other such material things. I think that they just want us to show care and concern. Yes, it probably isn't easy to do. BUt I hope that everybody tries in their own capacity!

And for those with imperfect parents... I guess we could just show them how different we are! And we might feel that we are lacking in love because no one is putting love into our lives and yet we're expected to give, but I want to tell you that God the Father loves us tangibly!

2008-04-13T03:21:00.001-07:00

Melodious vocals, which are absolutely admirable and captivating!
Emotional reaction to a breakup, which is not very becoming.

Is her (the girl in the MTV; let's not assume she's the writer) reaction worth the relationship?
I don't think so...

2008-04-13T01:24:00.000-07:00

This is called "With All I Am". A song that praises God and has been running in my head. He's so much bigger than everything else!

WooHoo!!!

2008-03-11T06:13:00.000-07:00

Wow! Games day was so awesome! It was one of the best...

I recall that when I first reached Kuo Chuan Presbyetarian and was being briefed by Bro Eric, I was a little bit hesitant because his instructions were, "The first station is compulsory and will be assigned to you. But following that, you will move around the stations freely." I was thinking about what kinda "mess" there would be if everyone clogs up a station, or a group is unable to find an opponent and has to wait very long at one station. But I soon discovered that my worries were useless because everything just flowed so smoothly! I could see the different groups moving enthusiastically to station after station...

Firstly, I was brought to recognise the uniqueness of our ministry. IGNYTE! How many organisations can carry out such an activity? Probably not my school. But everybody just wanted to keep playing and so moved on passionately through the stations. Leaders also rose up to bring the teams through.

Secondly, I began to feel the buzz group spirit. Christina, Angelica, Derek, Jonathan and Eric were impeccable team mates! I also know that Clarissa was sensitive to the needs of other people and even though she didn't play cos she was sick, I appreciated her support throughout the games. The guys were team players, swift, sharp shooters, strong men. Do not xiao kan the gals either cos Christina ran twice to the base line during dodge ball and Angelica held the ball up during "keep it up"! We won a whooping 53 points but more importantly, I began to understand why we did so well... I think watching from Derek and Jonathan taught me that most. They played their best and encouraged everybody to have fun. It's such a simple truth but is sometimes difficult to grasp as I do the task of leading...

Once again, I also think back about my old buzz group. I think I was really unfair to them, always giving our team spirit low ratings, putting on such a dao face during some buzz group discussions. Sis Corinna was undoubtedly a great cell leader who managed to spend time with the youths in our buzz group and garner their support with her unfailing care. The members also loved to encourage each other. Guess I was one weird, dao wet blanket during that season... But now, with a new buzz group, I will do things differently!

To everyone out there: I really believe that buzz groups are a great part of my walk with God. Aside from having a dynamic relationship with my God, I hope that I would be able to have a strong relationships with youths who are for Christ =) What abotu you?

So Small

2007-12-07T22:42:00.001-08:00

What matters in life? Ladies and Gentlemen, do take a moment to think about whether you're habouring grudges. Do the grudges drive a wedge in between you and your loved ones, your friends or even your neightbours?

John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

For the performance:

For the lyrics:

- Carrie Underwood Lyrics

For the MTV that is so touching: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUtFEKhtB30

Casting Crowns

2007-10-25T04:27:00.000-07:00

As the exams began, I was just running through some songs... They speak to me in a special way always. Do songs speak to you?

Here's one that taught me never to leave anyone out just because they may be different. And I guess that's what gave me the heart to be an IGNYTE host! Cos I don't want anyone in church to get left behind... God doesn't want to leave anyone behind! The desire is also heightened by the fact that I know what it feels like to be in their shoes. But I really appreciate those people who have the gift of empathy, and they can feel for people even if they have never personally felt it before... AMazing!

I just heard this song recently. Prayer is one of the best things we can do for a friend! Beyond all that we can ever do, God can! So just commit our friends into HIS hands.

Wow. This song challenges my faith. It's been a bit shaky these days as I read John. Because John reveals so much that Jesus says, so much so that I begin to wonder how Jesus coud be truly divine whilst saying such plain words. Sometimes I don't understand how what He says could prove that He is a God. But I know that He is real because of the many times when He gave me peace, gave me love beyond everyone else's and... wow. Guess I would have to back myself up with some rational evidences after the exams... Or maybe even in the midst of exams.

Carrie Underwood songs

2007-10-02T04:13:00.000-07:00

First up, I'll Stand By You.
I remembered the tune when I first heard it but it has been a long time and now, when I finally remembered to search out the song, I realised that it was sung by Carrie Underwood =/

Beautiful song! Let's see whether I know how to upload it...

And my favourite from Carrie Underwood (at least amongst the songs which I know are sung by her)

The prettier one, of which the encoding is disabled: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jExRtOzfu9Q
Check it out if you like country music :D very meaningful song..

The compromise:
To end off, her famous Jesus Take The Wheel. Have a good day everyone! Praying for you people out there! =D

2007-01-24T07:02:00.000-08:00

A man who flirts with women off the streets
Might well do without charming looks.
A man who prostitues the presence of his Saviour
Might well do without empty sacrifices.

Here's what I learnt from Hosea. Don't take it at face value. I'm bad at phrasing words anyway.

Christianity: an irrational faith?

2006-12-06T08:27:00.000-08:00

Corrections to post from long long ago. I have yet to investigate how rational Christianity is. But yea.. the more I think about it, the more I realise that hey, we do not believe in something that is baseless. It's just that well, sometimes one's will to resist what seems so real might be wrong. Not saying that all who are not Christians are just plain stubborn against Christianity; maybe many just haven't begun to seriously investigate Christianity in a "scientific" manner.

But I have to agree with Josh MacDowell that some people are bent on proving Christianity wrong. I have absolutely no idea what they base such a STRONG belief on. Don't get what I mean? Go to your school and ask around.. You'll find a couple.. Go search the net.. You'll find a many..

Korean Drums

2006-11-01T23:42:00.000-08:00

Something I should have posted earlier...

[Chorus]
Eo-ru-ae-gi-ya
Eo-ru-ae-gi-ya
Eo-gi-yong-cha
Ae-gi-ru-gu-na

Yi-mwol yi-wore de-nun ae-gun
Sa-mwol sa-wore maggo
Sa-mwol sa-wore de-nun ae-gun
O-wol da-no-e da-man-ga-naen-da

Korean song. VERY lively! Full of rigour.. You can ask me, marianne or royston how to sing this; hope they remember..

As for what it means.. Well I don't quite remember. My fault for not immediately writing it down when I learnt it.. But the chorus basically talks about having good luck in abundance. then the verse is something like..

Let January and Febuary have no bad luck!
Go away bad luck into March and April!
Let March and April have no bad luck!
Go away to May!

OK that sounds wrong.. Well thereabouts.

All the best for your exams! Matrices tomorrow!

2006-10-29T21:14:00.000-08:00

[..Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given... The one who can accept this should accept it.]
Mat 19:11-12

Wish Mia could see this. But yea, it is only for "those to whom it has been given". That ends our argument.

battleground gods

2006-10-20T03:58:00.000-07:00

Here is something I got from a game, or I would much rather say a quiz, from "Batttleground Gods". My responses included in this colour. Not for the faint-hearted to read. Thanks Royston, for telling me about it. Thanks Kylie, for telling Royston about it. Thanks Crystal, for telling Kylie about it (oh gosh, Crystal doesn't even read this..)

Direct Hit 1
You answered "True" to questions 7 and 13.

These answers generated the following response:
You've just taken a direct hit! Earlier you claimed that it is justifiable to base one's beliefs about the external world on a firm, inner conviction, regardless of the external evidence, or lack of it, for the truth or falsity of this conviction. But now you say that it is foolish to believe in God without certain, irrevocable proof that God exists. A firm, inner conviction can never be certain proof, since we know that people have firm inner convictions about things which are false.

Alright alright. I mistook the first question. It shouldn't be "it is justifiable", but rather "it can be justifiable". But "can be" ain't an option.. I mean, it is a very general statement, to which the response cannot be black or white. And I change my response to the other question too.. Took me some thinking.. It is NOT foolish to believe in God without certain, irrevocable proof that God exists. So in this way I will still get a direct hit anyway.. But I'll explain my stand..

Really, it is impossible to fanthom the ways in which my God works.. I've known of people who just believed in God because of something mysterious in which He did in their lives. Even for myself as a young kid, there was a love coming from God whenever I prayed or worshipped Him; it's just beyond comprehension and I believed. And it was most certainly not a naive faith. But I have to admit that as I grew up and thought more, I did question the naivety of this faith. It took me quite a few encounters with the awesome presence of God (of which I cannot fully explain in words.. God cannot be rationalised, as I will try to explain later), a few answered prayers/miracles and some revelation of the greater good things that come after the bad things that I initially complained about.

But I believe it is possible to simply believe in God just because of this void that He fills or other unexplainable reasons; and you cannot call a child a fool. However, it is sad that this does not occur very often in the adult world.. Or as some may term "the world of mature minds".

****************

Direct Hit 2
You answered "True" to questions 10 and 14.
These answers generated the following response:
You've just taken a direct hit! Earlier you agreed that it is rational to believe that the Loch Ness monster does not exist if there is an absence of strong evidence or argument that it does. No strong evidence or argument was required to show that the monster does not exist - absence of evidence or argument was enough. But now you claim that the atheist needs to be able to provide strong arguments or evidence if their belief in the non-existence of God is to be rational rather than a matter of faith.

The contradiction is that on the first ocassion (Loch Ness monster) you agreed that the absence of evidence or argument is enough to rationally justify belief in the non-existence of the Loch Ness monster, but on this occasion (God), you do not.

Frankly speaking, I don't really get this question.. Neither do I get this reponse. Can I hold back any comments until someone helps me clarify this?

But I just can't resist letting some science out.. scientifically speaking, we cannot determine for the sure the existence of the Loch Ness Monster unless we prove either way by scientific experimentation. So its existence is to be kept in doubt.
****************
Direct Hit 3
You answered "True" to Question 7 and "False" to Question 15.
These answers generated the following response:
You've just taken a direct hit! Earlier you said that it is justifiable to base one's beliefs about the external world on a firm, inner conviction, regardless of the external evidence, or lack of it, for the truth or falsity of this conviction. But now you do not accept that the rapist Peter Sutcliffe was justified in doing just that. The example of the rapist has exposed that you do not in fact agree that any belief is justified just because one is convinced of its truth. So you need to revise your opinion here. The intellectual sniper has scored a bull's-eye!

Misinterpretation mentioned earlier.. (this philosophical stuff is making my brain tired..)

****************
Direct Hit 4
You answered "True" to questions 13 and 17.
These answers generated the following response:
You've just taken a direct hit! You claimed earlier that it is foolish to believe in God without certain, irrevocable proof that she exists, but now you say it is justifiable to believe in God if one has a firm, inner conviction that God exists, regardless of the external evidence, or lack of it, for the truth or falsity of the conviction that God exists. However, a firm inner conviction can never be certain proof, since many people have firm inner convictions about things about which they are wrong (such as the guilt or innocence of suspects, for example). So, by your own lights, your last answer was a foolish one!

Mistake mentioned earlier.

****************
Analysis of your Bitten Bullet

Bitten Bullet 1
You answered "True" to Question 16.
This answer generated the following response:
You've just bitten a bullet! In saying that God has the freedom and power to do that which is logically impossible (like creating square circles), you are saying that any discussion of God and ultimate reality cannot be constrained by basic principles of rationality. This would seem to make rational discourse about God impossible. If rational discourse about God is impossible, there is nothing rational we can say about God and nothing rational we can say to support our belief or disbelief in God. To reject rational constraints on religious discourse in this fashion requires accepting that religious convictions, including your religious convictions, are beyond any debate or rational discussion. This is to bite a bullet.

Fyi, they say that "This occurred because you responded in a way that required that you held a view that most people would have found strange, incredible or unpalatable."

But ultimately, we can't argue God out. Logical reasoning with God does not always work... I think most obviously to me is that God's will is really really incomprehensible. Currently any rationalising with me about God's will will be kept fairly short. I think there are books out there where authors actually try to explain why God allows suffering and death. I have not read them.

Oh well, so much for now. I'll continue after the exams.

2006-10-17T02:50:00.000-07:00

A deed loses its meaning
When replicated for too many people
Or when repeated for too many times

The parting

2006-08-28T16:42:00.000-07:00

So sad.. This will be my last time typing in this laptop. I'm gonna be returning this to the bio lab. Bye my dear companion in Korea. I type in this every night. Sending emails, connecting back to home, searching for resources, typing out my research activity proposal.. Bye laptop!

The use of blogs

2006-07-26T02:38:00.000-07:00

I find this really true. It is as Marianne says. Talk about God and there seems to be less people on your tagboard. But well, I can't find a more worthy cause for my blog. I know stories is one thing. But for now I really have not the time to read, not to mention write. And even if my stories go up again.. I dunno.. I pray God doesn't "leave" this blog.

Call me a nutcase, freak whatever, I can't help it and like it that way. Even as I read back on the many revelations of God, I get encouraged, especially in my current moods. Blog for God..

Don't know why Mia deleted her blog. I dun wanna delete mine. So well... Will enjoy this blog ;)

Isa 8:17

2006-07-26T02:16:00.000-07:00

Isa 8:17
I will wait for the LORD,
who is hiding his face from the house of Jacob.
I will put my trust in him.

That's a powerful declaration from Isaiah amidst all the punishment that God will throw on his country, Israel. I will wait no matter how painful the current trial is. I will trust that the Lord is faithful in spite of all situations.

For me, it's about getting through these dry times. Where I really can't seem to feel God. Yea truly as Kylie quoted from the wedding she attended, love ain't about a feeling. Sometimes I get really tired repeating this. I got a hunch that another one of my friends is going crazy over a crush.. But not close to that person so I'm not sure.. Hai.. What's with youths of Singapore? Anyway I love God! Commitment+action must last.

Isaiah was commited. How commited am I?

2006-07-15T19:32:00.000-07:00

When everything inside builds up till someone finally sees
for me, no one has

God's love

2006-07-05T04:28:00.000-07:00

Was going through my smses when I saw something that I should have posted up long ago. I received it during valentine's day, sent by my church's system of sending smses to members about events.
11/7: I tried to hide the truth inside, but I just can't, I just can't live a lie
13/7: Then I shall not speak

As the world celebrates love, know that I have loved you with an everlasting love. You are the apple of my eye!
Love, God

Even though God most certainly did not come down to type out that sms, I'm sure that the person who typed this out for the church was really God-inspired. That's the saving knowledge that brought me here. I tell you, if I had not been comforted by the fact that God loves and cares for me, even though it seems that the whole world doesn't anymore (as it has seemed to me for quite a number of times in my life), I wouldn't be breathing now. Skeptics might disagree with me. But I stand as a living testimony of this grace, and I will ever sing His praise, even through this blog which I will not ever delete.
16/7: I said so much more. It wasn't meant to be heard then.

A song of sacrifice

2006-07-04T06:16:00.000-07:00

G D D A G
Lord I live for you
G D D A G
Lord I die for you
A G A G C B G
Take me, take me to the cross

G D D G D D

Where your blood shed for me

G D D G D D
From my sin I am free
A G A G C B G
Take me, take me to the cross

2006-06-12T03:00:00.000-07:00

Brevity is the soul of wit-- Lord Polonius, in Hamlet Act 2 Scene 2, Shakespeare
Then I have not wit.

2006-06-04T16:02:00.000-07:00

Something I received. To whet the appetite of the defination enthusiast.

When one hath nothing to worry about,
That is peace.
When one hath no one to worry about,
That is desolation.
When one is not talked to unnecessarily,
That is peace.
When one has no one to in necessity,
That is loneliness.
When all your cares are dead,
That is peace.
When no one cares when you are dead,
That is seperation.

Post worship experience

2006-06-04T11:21:00.000-07:00

Before I begin proper on my thoughts, let me try to address some questions that I myself sometimes ask and I think others might ask too.

"Why do Christians, and other people like me, try so hard to please this GOD? I mean isn't the faith supposed to give you joy, comfort, peace and what not?"

Having known this God who is so faithful and good to me, I have been convicted that my life should be a pleasant offering unto Him. I mean Jesus came to die for my sins so that I can be accepted by God and can come to Him freely to throw all my burdens somewhere; surely I ought to be dead to sin now.

"Huh? You dead to sin still have to strive to be sin-free meh?"

Yup cos the devil will intensify the attacks of temptation. And because our Christian walk is not a pleasant bed of roses, we might often slip a little here and there. That's when we might struggle. I wanna move to the point of faith that I can face trials without feeling it as a painful struggle, but more of as a wonderful refining process, by which my faith is strengthened. Then indeed can I really shine for God and present myself confidently before Him on the day of judgement.

"Ee.. so what man? Strive so hard in the end only become very confident.."

God has a good reward for the faithful. I think the eternal reward by far exceeds what momentarily pleasures the world can offer..

"What reason have you for your faith man? Such an uptopic faith.. Utopianism is impossible.. Didn't we discuss that in Animal Farm?"

Well I have more than enough reasons for my faith. I seriously cannot find peace anywhere else. Believe me man, I've tried. Like what Hebrews 3-4 explains in detail, God swears that if the Israelites do not believe in Him, He will not grant them rest. I've been to the place of questioning God and the Christian faith until I corner the faith with many many doubts. No peace.. Nope I toss and turn unable to sleep. Not a nice feeling at all..

I've been to the place of abandoning God for studies.. didn't quite work out either. As I've told people many many times, that was last year first sem. Really bad.. And as I place my trust back in God again, my CAP for the 2nd sem improved by 0.25. Significant improvement in my opinion.

Even Josh Mcdowell, a former skeptic of Christianity can testify to the changes brought about by God. And I tell you this, he is really a man that can research until he gets to the very roots of the matter. Go read his books if you ever have the time. If you have time in abundance, try The New Evidence for the Verdict. If you don't, why not The Da Vinci Code: A Quest for Answers?

Right..now I know I'm very very late in telling you guys this. But Worship Experience was AWESOME! If anyone actually bothers to notice my msn nickname, for some time it was "You know what cannot make me more upset?" Well failing the God standard is what cannot make me more upset. Imagine when I just get so distracted when worshipping God. Then my inner conscience just screams guilty and "stop it!" But no.. I keep getting very very distracted. Just unable to focus. And my very being just starts to really stink. To me, that is. "Why can't I focus?!?"

Not only that. I really really wanna live a life of worship. A live that God can be proud of. A life that my parents can be proud of. But lemme be frank with this big problem of mine: honouring my parents. 4th command in the 10 Commandments. Failure to do so makes me feel all the more stinky..

Worship experience taught me that God still loves and accepts me nevertheless. He'll always have His arms wide open for whenever I come to Him. I can still worship without being burdened down by my sins. My heart just warms at that thought.. Could not stop those tears from falling.. Was just so touched again by God's love.

And I came home with the thought: Well that was great; but so what?

Well the next day was district gathering. My district pastor has a powerful word. I really like his preachings actually.. Cos they really delve into the word and what it means. He was sharing from Romans 12:1-2.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, hold and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:1-2 (NIV)

I shall not attempt to type out all the sermon notes which I commited to memory (cos I didn't bring a pen to district gathering). But the main point that really spoke to me, amongst all others that did so strongly, was that many times we as Christians don't see why sticking to God's will is the right way to go, and the temptations and ways of this world appeals so much more to us. I can identify with that. And the reason for feeling that way is cos we have yet to make that CHOICE to not conform to the patterns of this world. Once we make that choice, our minds are renewed and transformed; we start to think in accordance to God's good, pleasing and perfect will.

I mean when we're standing on one side, we can't see what's so great about the other side until we finally decide to cross over and take a look for ourselves. The thing for us to do is to "finally decide".

That sure shook something in my spirit. That's it. Yes I've heard that making a choice stuff from Pas Jeanne Mayo before but when I responded to altar call that day, I really had to make that declaration to God. By saying that to God, I bound myself to live not with hypocritical words. Make the choice to focus on worshipping God.. Make the choice to honour my parents.. yup, God is very good..

That's What Love Is For

2006-06-02T06:44:00.000-07:00

Was enjoying the old songs of Amy Grant. Her album Heart In Motion.. I'm talking about an album older than I am, created in 1991. But I kinda learn to appreciate the songs the more I listen to them. To just relish the old tunes and meaningful lyrics... Here's one song that never really made it big and famous, but holds very close to my heart.

That's What Love Is For
Sometimes we make it harder than it is
We'll take a perfect night
And fill it up with words we don't mean
Dark sides best unseen
And we wonder why we're feeling this way

Sometimes I wonder if we really feel the same
Why we can be unkind
Questioning the strongest of hearts
That's when we must start
Believing in the one thing that has gotten us this far

[Chorus]
That's what love is for
To help us through it
That's what love is for
Nothing else can do it
Melt our defenses
Bring us back to our senses
Give us strength to try once more
Baby, that's what love is for

Sometimes I see you
And you don't know I am there
And I'm washed away by emotions
I hold deep down inside
Getting stronger with time
It's living through the fire
And holding on we find

[Chorus]
That's what love is for
To help us through it
That's what love if for
Nothing else can do it
Melt our defenses
Bring us back to our senses
Give us strength to try once more
Baby, that's what love is for

Believing in the one thing
That has gotten us this far

That's what love is for
To help us through it
That's what love is for
Nothing else can do it

Round off the edges
Talk us down from the ledges
Give us strength to try once more
Baby, that's what love is for
That's what love is for
That's what love is for

Melt our defenses
Bring us back to our senses
Give us strength to try once more
Baby, that's what love is for
That's what love is for
That's what love is for
That's what love is for

Yup, lovely song which I used for my Clay Marble project last year. We were doing on Dara's POV I think.. This song further supports my view on love. Sure.. love ain't a feeling man.. It's something that should pull you through the seasons. Something that refines your rough edges no matter how painful it is. Something that doesn't change in spite of mood swings..

HOLSHOLS

2006-06-02T00:49:00.000-07:00

HEYA people. Haven't blogged for a very very long time. That's cos I still haven't typed out what I wrote for the english test and exam. Oh wells.. Lazy Chui Yi.. Bad Chui Yi too cos *HI!!! FISHIE HERE!* yes I'm typing while doing administrative work in the selection camp. *FOOD MAKES CHEWY HAPPPPPPPY!!!* That wasn't me but food does make me happy. ;) haha..

Let me tell you guys my diet for the past few days. Basically I've been eating like siao. Council camp from monday to wednesday was.. plain fattening. Although we starved the first day cos we didn't buy lunch, the next 2 days were like a food fest. Eat sleep watch TV. Yup that was council camp. The parents are over generous.. Brought so much food for the BBQ.*BINGI AND BONGI, DA BONGO SIBLINGS!*-Fishie Gary:*Very random here whee... chui yi is a bad gal.. she's eating too much* Right I have people typing all over my post. Then today also eat and eat and type and type in aircon room. Man.. CHui Yi is becoming a sluggard..

I complain to Ms Seah: Ms Seah, I have this big problem.
Ms Seah: What
Me: I am very very full but I can't help eating and eating!

The only exercise I got was kayaking on wednesday, slacky PT on tuesday and unfocused table tennis yesterday. Yes.. marvelous. I am very obviously fatter. Yup. Sigh...

NUSHS council 06 is a council bonded as a family, not very much through adversity. I mean council camp was like a family holiday. We watched TV together, ate in front of the TV together, cook together as a girls group (I hope that the guys enjoyed eating our saliva;)), argued with Mikel that our council logo that was constructed with leaves and twigs looked like a council logo (because we had a united focus and everyone could see the council logo together).. Mess up the boys' sleeping area together.. Man, our unity is unlike any other.. haha..

WOAH. Lemme report matters in the conference room now. Gary is playing with his ball. Gary:"OI!!! not my ball!!! NUSHS' ball lar!" Bleagh.. his just lying. nah lah.. It's NUSHS ball. Probably the one that Donovan got stuck up in a coconut tree. Yes, where was I? Right..

yes during council camp, the marvelous Donovan got a hullahoop hooked around the leaf of coconut tree when we didn't have any games to play.. Then we threw up a volleyball to try to get it down. Guess what happened? Yup the ball got stuck up there as well. So well a hullahoop tied down with raffia plus lots of shaking of the tree got the stuff down in the end. Let's try to imagine the tree. Now I hope everyone knows how a coconut tree looks like. Imagine two leaves hanging down because the stalk is half broken. Then well there are just a couple more leaves that are supposed to be sticking up but came down to droop. Yup that tree really stood out pathetically against the background of straight trees. haha.. And throughout that whole time, well around that time.. I was.. well.. I was.. Lemme try to figure out how to say this properly.. I was filling up my stomach. With chiffon cake. Yup.

Alright, don't think I shall elaborate on council camp. Too lazy to talk too much.. (I hope Roy Ang remembers to go shopping ;) ) You know when I came back at night, I fell asleep during TAWG! Then couldn't wake up until 10a.m. the next day. My mum actually made so much noise cos she thought that I was sick or something.. Haha.. hai, I've so much to do this hols and yet I'm too lazy to start proper.. man.. Chui Yi is in big trouble. I think you guys will be bored sick reading post. I shall try to post something more reasonable next time. Haha.. Sorreh.. terribly slow at typing ou my english essay..

So You Would Come

2006-05-17T02:41:00.000-07:00

I shall not post up my story from my test until worship experience is over. No, I shall not. Cos I want you guys to know about this exciting event. For more action, check out www.trinity.net/IGNYTE.

And I shall share with you guys this song that really really touched my heart yesterday when I was feeling really down from the exams.

So You Would Come
BEFORE THE WORLD BEGIN
YOU WERE ON HIS MIND
AND EVERY TEAR YOU CRIED
IS PRECIOUS IN HIS EYES
BECAUSE OF HIS GREAT LOVE
HE GAVE HIS ONLY SON
EVERY THING WAS DONE SO YOU WOULD COME

NOTHING YOU CAN DO
TO MAKE HIM LOVE YOU MORE AND NOTHING THAT YOU'VE DONE COULD MAKE HIM CLOSE THE DOOR BECAUSE OF HIS GREAT LOVE
HE GIVE HIS ONLY SON
EVERY THING WAS DONE
SO YOU WOULD COME

COME TO THE FATHER
THOUGH YOUR GIFT IS SMALL
BROKEN HEARTS, BROKEN LIVES
HE WILL TAKE THEM ALL
THE POWER OF THE WORD
THE POWER OF HIS BLOOD
EVERYTHING WAS DONE SO YOU WOULD COME

Really, every tear that falls from your face is collected by our Father in heaven. HE JUST WANTS YOU TO COME! Doesn't matter how broken down you are, how marvelously you're doing in life, how little you have to offer, just COME! Just draw into His presence that is so refreshing, as Psalms 84 puts it very well.

That's why I really like worship. It's a lot about coming into God's presence. That's why I can't wait for worship with God everyday of my life.

That's why I want you to come for WORSHIP EXPERIENCE THIS SAT.

WORSHIP EXPERIENCE

2006-05-15T04:47:00.000-07:00

Feeling dry and down with life?

You need..

Water

Not just ANY water

DRINK FROM THE LIVING WATERS

in ignyte's

WORSHIP EXPERIENCE MAY 2006

20th May 2006

2.29p.m.

Trinity Christian Centre

If you have missed the all-too-great Decoded, then come for worship experience!

Worship is..

something that every Youth looks forward to

a daily fresh encounter with God

an awesome refreshment in God's presence

contact me for more details, including possible lifts =)

2006-05-11T07:11:00.000-07:00

Baerk The Cdoe. Raserceh has swohn taht wehn the fsrit and lsat lterets of a wrod are in pcale, one wuold slitl be albe to raed the wrod.

Tis a mystery. But another mystery jumbles up big facts, with big fiction.

IGNYTE presents

THE DA VINCI CODE

Are you gamed for the challenge?

This saturday

13th May 2006

3p.m.

Trinity Christian Centre, Ground Floor Chapel

21 Adam Road

DON'T MISS IT.

for more information, please feel free to contact me.

Let It All Out

2006-05-08T01:51:00.000-07:00

Roy can take pride in the fact that he has made me a Relient K. I have never really seen such songs that display so much thought by the composer. I can really identify with their songs.. These songs are not just displaying things at face value, in that sense. In a lot of modern songs these days, things are just presented as they are. Not saying that simple songs that talk about God's grace and what He did are not as great, cos God's grace why He did the things He did go quite beyond my reasoning; but just that I love these outstanding songs.

Thus far I've heard 4 songs, all "leeched" from radioblogclub.com. Falling Out, Getting Into You, Be My Escape, Let It All Out. But the last strikes me most.. Lemme bring you through the song.

Let It All Out
Let it all out (get it all out)
Rip it out, remove it
Don't be alarmed when the wound begins to bleed
Cuz we're so scared to find out (what this life's all about)
So scared we're gonna lose it
And knowing all along that's exactly what we need
Fear... Man, why should we ever fear trials? I mean, without trials, we'd be flimsy creatures. Trials are gonna be differentiating who can stand through and who falls easily? Heard of the song Refiner's Fire? Ever heard about how diamonds need to be refined in the fire before beginning to glisten with that glow?

And today I'll trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
But tomorrow upon hearing what I did,
I'll stare at you in disbelief
Oh inconsistent me! ...
crying out for consistency
That is so me! How many times have I broken your heart? how many times have I left church feeling "Alright man! I'm ready to face the world with its problems. I've got God behind me!" and the next day, sunday, I just flop. Then at the end of sunday, I would just look back at the day and say "God, where are you?!" Enough is enough. For those who do not know yet, my Christian walk ain't one of always being enthusiastic to GoGoGo for God. I've faced my down times, just 2 months ago when I even lost the very faith. yes I'm saying it now. Keep the fire burning!

Consistency.. I recall from the book So You Wanna Be Great (thanks Royston! I really learnt valuable lessons from it) that consistency needs to be maintained. the author has gone through prayer storming the gates of heaven, having tears fall to the ground as well as just shivering in front of the fireplace. yet he maintained consistency and he grew during that period of time..

[Chorus]
And You said, "I know that this will hurt,
but if I don't break your heart, things will just get worse.
If the burden seems too much to bear,
remember...
The end will justify the pain it took to get us there."
Like what Mike Gugliemucci (sp error) from Planet Shakers shared in the Evermore dvd. After you say in the face of all trials, "BRING IT ON! BRING IT ON!" no matter how high the price is, then God will stop you at the cash register and say, "Son/daughter, don't forget your receipt!" Our proof of purchase!

And I'll let it be known (times I have shown)
Signs of all my weakness
But somewhere in me, there is strength
And You'd promise me, that You believe
In time I will defeat this'cuz somewhere in me there is strength
I'm telling you guys out there, you've got the choice to decide whether you win or fail. Be that winner! Press on.. I just face so many trials that sometimes, last time more often than now, how long I have to be put through this. It's like, God, I've passed one test already, why give me another?

Push the limits.. there's more that you can do my child.

And today I'll trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
I'll try my best to just forget that that man isn't me
My wisdom does not really go very far. I guess this means that we gotta trust God with the confidence that we share in His victory just as we had shared in His sufferings. We've known defeat, we can't forget that we have gone through the sufferings, though we put it behind so that we may not be complacent cos of our current standards. Yet there is a confidence that we share in Jesus. Am I making sense? I'll correct it later if God does inspire me too..

[Chorus]

Reach out to me, make my heart brand new
Every beat will be for You...for You...

And you know, and you know
When You touched my heavy heart, you made it light.
God's burden is light and easy for us to bear. like He has made us such that we can bear it. Cast your anxieties on Jesus, because He cares for you.

God bless in the face of exams! =)

Watered Down

2006-05-05T02:38:00.000-07:00

Alright, since I've tags about love, I shall share my opinion. I did this expository for my english portfolio. My first expository in my whole life and I've been very hesitant about it. Shall share it nevertheless.

I love you. These three words continue to echo in my ear, especially since the passing of Valentine's week just recently. Many exchange these words, so much so that it could very well have been just another greeting. But what do people mean when they declare those words?

Whenever I think of love, I think about Jesus Christ. As a Christian, I believe that Christ, in dying on the cross to take away our sins displays the most perfect form of love. How many people would love you to the extent of dying for what you have done wrong? How many people never withdrew their love from you throughout eternity? Not to mention, God's love everlasting to the extent that I feel Him working peace and wisdom into my life even as I write.

Therefore, I believe that love is a measure of the willingness to sacrifice for the good of someone else. (However, by stating my above example, I am not limiting the expressions of love to a God-mortal relationship. I am just using that as my ideal of love, with applications amongst humans being possible.) I am not talking about sacrificing such and such commitment so that one may prioritize by taking into consideration what one most wants to do and therefore sacrifice extra time to do that very thing. I am talking about a sort of sacrifice related to the well-being of another.

Take marriage for example. Classic example of love. What is the couple committing themselves to by saying: "I will sacrifice my needs and wants to insure that you receive yours. We will travel this journey of life together with the Lord as our guide. With all my being, I pledge my love to you."[1] This person is talking about a sacrifice of a lifetime of time. One whole lifetime dedicated to each other, that is what couples are, or should I say supposed to, committing themselves to.

What with the increasing number of divorces, I question whether couples mean it when they take that vow. Is love going to be taken that lightly, that it would be turned into a reason for a momentary satisfaction rather than maintain its original essence of a sacrifice? I think I may have found the answer to my question.

"Love and obsessive- compulsive disorder could have a similar chemical profile. Translation: Love and mental illness may be difficult to tell apart. Translation: Don't be a fool. Stay away."[2] I quote from Lauren Shaler who wrote "Love: A Chemical Romance" in the National Geographic magazine. The article goes on to mention about how "love" will run out, how love is caused by a release of a certain hormone which increases our energy level, and how our body soon gets tired out by such a great use of energy. So, love is supposed to "run out"? Love is no more than an emotion that requires a great input of energy, after which the body soon gives up and the emotion disappears? I think not. Yes, sadly, love has been taken very lightly.

Perfect love involves an action. It is not just "Oh I'm feeling this passion for you and I shall do such-and-such things for you". True, love uses up energy, as all actions do. But this energy ought to be constantly topped up, either with a return of this love or through another that is abundant in such energy. I give, you give, both receive. In this way, pairs can keep up their relationship. I mean, you cannot give if you do not receive, and loving involves a giving of energy. Following this line of thought, I find that everyone needs to be loved, if not, one would become a very hard cold shell. Where else do you yourself get the energy to love?

Recalling the song "Where is the love?" by Blackeyed Peas, there is, in every human heart, a desire to love and be loved. Unfortunately, not everyone has the privilege of being able to find true love in the correct places, or to say the least, even understand the true meaning of love. Love is often associated with simple admiration, respect, or even the most juvenile forms of "love"--puppy love or crush. I find a clear distinction between "love" and "puppy love" or "crush". Clearly, as many would have been taught in school, that such juvenile infatuation is just a temporal feeling; a sudden increase of hormones, as psychologists would put it. The complication of these two words often lead to teenagers going through adolescence searching for love in all the wrong places and thinking they have found the perfect love when they have yet to do so.

When I get down to the examining the words "admiration", "respect" and "love", I find a thin line separating the boundaries in which these words can be most appropriately used. Admiration[3] refers to having a high opinion of someone; it is just an opinion. Respect[3] involves treating someone with care so that he/she would not be insulted by one's rudeness. Ideally, I think that these three expressions of the heart should go together. However, this may not always be the case and we must make that distinction before others misunderstand us.

Love, to me, holds a deep meaning and should not be used interchangeably with other words or used lightly as and when anyone feels like it. Saying "I love you" to someone seals a promise that ought not to be borne lightly. However, the change of the context in which certain words are used is not for me to control and I, as a student, cannot define societies' view of love. In spite of the many warped views of love, I believe that there are still great examples of true human love that abound in our midst today, too many for me to even begin listing. In conclusion, the next time you think you love someone, think about what you should expect out of your love. Love is not that simple a matter.

[1] Mark Shingleton. http://www.ultimatewedding.com
[2] Lauren Shaler. National Geographic. Febuary 2006.
[3] Definition largely influenced by Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English, though careful thought on the author's part was carried out

I wrote this out of a flury. A flury of inspiration. Look at this piece from two points if you please. One, the meaning of love. Two, the writing style. Comment on both please.

As a direct response to the tags.

Kylie: I guess you can say that friendship is a sorta of love, or at least it should ideally be so. Friendship is a subset of love?

Royston: You speak of the ideal of love. But is love or "love" in this world always that ideal? Most certainly not.

Nic: Different forms of love? really? no worries, do begin listing them. General love as an affection.. hm.. that's how our society crafts (I can say dilute if I come from a cynical POV) it to be, though I believe that isn't the ideal of love. Cos affection (correct me if I am wrong) is kinda like a feeling. Sudden up in emotional levels..

You know something that I read in Romans 13:8-10 is that loving your neighbour is a fulfillment of the 10 Commandments. Cos if you love, you won't worship any other but God (cos you love Him), you will honour your parents, you won't covet, steal, murder, commit adultery etcetc. Interesting eh..

have you ever wondered why God loves us so much as to send Jesus Christ to die on the cross for OUR sins? I dunno man.. cos we're His creation? Cos He wants to have a relationship with us? I'm not too sure but I sure know it's real. I can't find help, strength, peace or salvation from anywhere else.

Nope, believe me, I've tried. I've wandered far, just as that guy testifying in Ps Jeanne Mayo's cd did. I've fallen hard, just as I was telling a friend of mine that the longer you hold a masquerade, the harder the fall after the mask falls out. And yet I have to come back to the place of saying that I'm sticking to God no matter what I feel. Cos love is a commitment, a choice, not a feeling. I think I've mentioned that in Watered Down. And after commitment to God, go up the next level to surrender.

let God's love fill you life! =)

About love and purpose

2006-05-02T03:47:00.000-07:00

Jus listening to some songs before I begin my work. ah.. joyce, this is why i say i work slow. lemme jus get my msg across straight ok?

Love.. I've always been pondering about it since I actually had some bare glimpse of how great God's love is. Just a bare glimpse and that was enough to shock me off my feet. Not to mention how overwhelmed I felt after I gained more knowledge about love.

To all those out there, who hesiate at a major crossroad in life, or have doubts blocking out every hint of light. Here's a song to love.

Love Will Find A Way- Amy Grant
You tell me your friends are distant,
You tell me your man's untrue,
You tell me that you've been walked on,
And how you feel abused.

So you stand here an angry young woman,
Taking all the pain to heart.
I hear you saying that you want to see changes,
But you don't know how to start.

Chorus:
Love will find a way, (How do you know?)
Love will find a way, (How can you see?)
I know it's hard to see the past and still believe
Love is gonna find a way.
I know that
Love will find a way, (A way to go.)
Love can make a way, (Only love can know.)
Leave behind the doubt;
Love's the only out;
Love will surely find a way.

I know this life is a strange thing.
I can't answer all the why's.
Tragedy always finds me,
Taken again by surprise.

I could stand here an angry young woman,
Taking all the pain to heart.
But I know that love can bring changes,
And so we've got to move on.

(Repeat Chorus)

If our God His Son not sparing
Came to rescue you,
Is there any circumstance
That He can't see you through?

(Repeat Chorus Twice)

The power of love.. I always tease peole like Joyce about it. "Through your love for so-and-so," I would say, "you can overcome all things to do him proud." haha.. but aside all the teasing, love really holds great power. True love stands the test of time! How many things in this world stands the test of time? I can't think of any as I type. maybe you could suggest it on my tagboard.

Don't wrestle with God's love; accept it. Then spread it.

next song is up for purpose in this world. This goes out especially to all believers who have not much of purpose in their walk with Christ.

For The Future Generations- 4Him
The signs are obvious, they are everywhere
All that we hear about is the gloom and despair
Too many would be prophets sayin'
"It's the end of it all"
'Cause mother earth can't take much more
The hammer's gonna fall

So nature has its needs, that's a lesson learned
But it appears to me there are greater concerns
'Cause we can save the planet
Thinkin' we will somehow survive
But father time is calling us
To save somebody's life,
So...

CHORUS
I won't bend and I won't break
I won't water down my faith
I won't compromise in a world of desperation
What has been I cannot change
But for tomorrow and today
I must be a light for future generations

If we could find a way to preserve our faith
So those who follow us
See the price that was paid
Then maybe when they question
What it's gonna take to survive
They'll find the strength to carry on
In what we leave behind

REPEAT CHORUS

Lookin' in the eyes of the children
Knowing that tomorrow is at stake
When the choice is up to them
Will they have the strength to say

We will.. REPEAT CHORUS

We go around living life.. topping exams, acing tests, skimming past assignments. then the good part about live: hanging out with friends, meeting the people you love, bringing smiles onto people's faces and you yourself wearing a smile too. But time is really running short! how much longer can we live? think about it.. then think about whether whatever you're doing know would matter after you die. I guess that kinda makes me realise what I should do.

1. Don't compromise
2. Don't water down my faith
3. Don't falter
4. Don't let a life fly by my side without the soul ever hearing of the name Jesus

Death and the Maiden

2006-04-30T09:21:00.000-07:00

This is going out to all who watched Death and the Maiden. Do you guys mind sharing ur first impressions? I kinda forgot to ask Joyce for hers so I don't know whether my assumptions were fair. From a layman's point of view, the play is nice! Though really vulgar and sick, there were great actress and actors, great plot and lovely setting and lights.

I'm gonna make all you people choke by saying that I jotted down notes. Yup, I don't mean to be such a nerd but my memory really stinks. To emphasize my "nerdiness", forgive me for adding that I have to transfer the information from what my sensory organs pick into my working memory, which then needs to be refreshed regularly so that it maybe soon be transfered into my long-term memory. haha.. Jun Le will scream for mercy from Trailblazers, and so would a whole lot of other people. Another touch would be that I have yet to craft my review, which I'm planning to type out before jotting it down on pen and paper.

yea.. even as I analyse this play, I pray that my faith will not shake because the temptations of the devil are so real. I cannot let my guard down even in such a "trivial" thing as watching these sorta plays. Yup pray pray pray. We can't do without it.

2006-04-26T02:21:00.000-07:00

Have you ever gone so far
Or felt so lost
That you wonder
If you can ever find your way back?
Has the road ever seemed so long
And difficult to walk on
That you look back
Only to find that you've only gone forward 3 steps?

Have you ever pursued with your all
And collapsed in exhuastion
Only to find
That the pursuer has become the pursued?

The pursuer has become the pursued. The pursuit has not been a perfect never-failing one, yet when you pursue God wholeheartedly, He'll soon turn around and pursue you. Of course, that doesn't mean that you can stray like no tomorrow. Doesn't mean that you live life day to day. Nope, God searches the heart and judges with justice.

hai.. don't call my piece a poem
Cos it'll do poets a great disgrace.
Rhythmic thoughts? I've never heard of that...

Weight Of The World

2006-04-22T20:05:00.000-07:00

I have recently been touched by many songs... but i think I'll freak out many people if I post everything. Lemme jus pick a few...

Weight of the World

[Chorus]
You took the weight of the world
On Your shoulders (x2)
You did it all for me
Yes You did it all for me

The greatest love I've ever known
That You would give Your life to set me free
Before I ever called Your name
You paid the price for me
All the things I'd ever done
You bore at Calvary

[Bridge]
You take me as I am
Into Your nail-scarred hands
When I run so far away
You always call me back again
Into Your open arms
No matter what I've done
Amazing grace has found me here
Because of what You've done I'm free

Jus wanna bring ur attention to the bridge. It's like God takes us as we are. No matter what one has done, no matter what one hasn't done, He take us in. Seems very distant? Lemme share one song that is closer to my heart...

Through It All

You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness
And I look to You
And I wait on You

I'll sing to You Lord
A hymn of Love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
Through it all

This song reminds me of footprints. This was sung by my adult leader for worship in Lcell yesterday. See, I began to doubt the Lord. I was asking: Are you really there for me 100% of the time? It's like, through it all, I declare in faith that I'm carried in everlasting arms. Like the guy in footprints.. "Son, when you saw one set of footprints, it was not that i left you; I was carrying you." then moving from Lcell to service. SErvice was intense with God's presence.

There is a longing
only You can fill
A raging tempest
only You can still
My soul is thirsty Lord
to know You as I'm known
Drink from the river
that flows before Your throne

[Chorus]
Take me deeper
Deeper in love with You
Jesus hold me close in Your embrace
Take me deeper
Deeper than I've ever been before
I just want to love You more and more
How I long to be deeper in love

There's been a raging tempest in my heart. I should have known better. ONly God can still that. I'm just getting wilder and wilder until God has to run faster to catch up. thank God He still does.. but I've run far. very far. i'm coming back to the heart of worship. and the life of worship too. Take me as I am, into your nail-scarred hands...

Lifesong inspirations

2006-04-21T03:16:00.000-07:00

Blog activity quite low these days... People, please please please comment on as many stories as possible. If you've read Stained Glass Masquerade and have commented already, a million thanks! but could you still comment on Acidic please? Here I have the song that inspired my latest piece, which inspired my piece in the english test. Dun wanna read the whole thing at least read the chorus yea...

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small
Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it,
Maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

*Chorus*
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage
The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

Chorus x2

Well if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

I fall apart in the presence of Jesus. I have been brought to the point where I have no choice but to take off whatever mask I have. I have learnt my lesson and I have learnt it hard.

So did Ms Chavez/Mrs Shaler. I'm talking about the same person. can anyone tell so? Another question I pose. I wanna see whether my story has had its intended effect. Why did I use these two names? please answer on my tagboard.

Oh, one more song that kinda influenced me in this piece too. Called Does Anybody Hear Her? Don't think I shall post up the whole song but here are some fragments.

Chorus:
Does anybody hear her?
Can anybody see?
Lord does anybody even know she's going down today?
Under the shadow of our steeple
with all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her?
Can anybody see?

She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in,to ride in and save the day
And then walks in her prince charming
and he knows just what to say
A momentary lapse of reason
and she gives herself away

It's like a cry out to the whole world. So many people pass us everyday, each with his/her own baggages. But more often than not, we have to walk past a person. Either we're "not close enough to the person", the person "seems weird" or "I'm in a hurry". Maybe there are more reasons.. I dunno. Do I cry when I see the world in this state? I guess it has always been... just that I didn't see it. I was blind; now I might have seen more than my fair share. What do I do after I see what God brings my attention to? Nothing. Most of the time, I do a pathetic nothing. The Sprit is willing but the flesh is weak. What a wretched man I am!

Nevertheless, I have to give thanks, for I have been blessed in abundance. Time I be thankful for things.

Firstly, I thank God for getting the prize I did. Never expected, seriously. Fine if you don't believe me and raise your eyebrows at me, but I never expected it and I am grateful to God for that.

Secondly, I would like to thank Him for strength to go through this week. Today marks the near end of one of the most challenging weeks in my life. Sleeping past midnight is no big joke when the person in concern is born to sleep at least 8hrs.

Thirdly, I want to thank Him for the people around me, esp those close to me. They have been wonderful. Even those who don't know what I'm going through have in some way or another bring a little cheer into my life. maybe even those couldn't even tell that I wasn't exactly very strong at this point of time.

You don't need the answers to all of life's questions, just know that He loves them. Stay by their side. Just love them like Jesus..

Stained Glass Masquerade

2006-04-13T03:19:00.000-07:00

Stained Glass Masquerade[1]

the masquerade unfolds
She stepped into the freedom tower. Stunning, with deep set eyes and a sharp nose. Her almost flawless face was framed by straight flowing hair. Security stopped her, "Excuse me ma'am..." He was cut short with a pass being flashed right in front of his face. She brushed past him briskly and took the lift up to the 99th floor.
"Good morning, Ms Chavez," voices sounded one after the other as she moved through the large office, almost as if she was stepping on "on" buttons as she moved past every row of office desks, past groggy accountants and secretaries. She replied with no more than a slight lifting up of her side of her lips, her gaze fixed at her workplace.

Sitting herself down on the chair, she opened her laptop and began to look through her proposal once again. What was I thinking! Such a terrible proposal. Lousy workmanship. She thought in anger. She looked out over the sea of dreaming workers spread before her view, the advantage of having an office at the very back with windows like that of a fish-eye lens. All dreaming, none working. Never mind, I'll do it all myself; they are such amateurs in the field of management anyway.

unbeknownst
"Dear, do you want me to bring dinner to you again?" Mr Shaler poked his head through the door. Tap, tap, tap. "I assume that as a yes," his warm voice was followed by a bright stream of light that flooded into the table lamp-lit room. "Oh dear, it's rather dark in here. I don't want you to destroy your beautiful eyes," he switched on the large florescent light. "Turn it off; electricity does not come free," Mrs Shaler spoke.

Mr Shaler did a little twirl with the plate of food before placing it down on the desk. "Turn it off," Mrs Shaler replied without looking up from her work. "O...k," Mr Shaler hesitated. His eyes always told a story, almost everyone but his wife can read them. Now, they told of hurt. Who in that room knew?

"If you need anything else do tell me ok?" Mr Shaler finally said, turning the lights off as he stepped out of the door, closing it quietly behind him.

ground zero
She stepped into the conference room. Eyes turned towards her and she replied with an enchanting smile. "Good morning Mr Oak, fellow consultants!" "Good morning Ms Chavez," the large burly manager smiled. "Ok, let's begin!"

The first consultant began, droning on and on. Amateurs... what a bunch of them. Ms Chavez's eyes carefully judged each and every consultant, noting the flaws so that she may question them about it. Questions... from experience, they show careful thought and leave a good impression upon the client's mind even before one's presentation.

Sure enough, each and every consultant had their mistakes pinpointed by her. Though the manager might initially seem impressed with any one's proposal, he would be quick to change his mind. After all, Ms Chavez thought through everything so carefully.

race
Shawn Shaler was about to open the door to say goodnight to his mother when his father pulled him away.

"Don't be so insensitive son. Can't you hear your mother is getting rather frustrated?" Mr Shaler said in an angry whisper, rather annoyed at his son. Father and son put their ears anxiously to the door. After quite a while of silence, Mr Shaler finally relented, "Maybe we should just at least whisper a goodnight to her, don't you think?"

Sure enough, Mrs Shaler was furiously typing away. Even when her husband and son wished her goodnight in unison, she did not look up, or to say the least straighten up her back that was leaning intently over the screen.

Draft after draft, the proposal never seemed to be good enough. As she finally gave up and prepared to settle down for the night, the perfectionist in her screamed in agony.

No, she had not given up. Restarting her laptop and looking through the proposal, she found herself deleting and retyping. Delete and retype. In this manner she went on throughout most of the morning until 4a.m. when her body, tired from the past few sleepless nights, finally gave in. Hands limp, head on the table, she dozed off.

fatigue
Ms Chavez took a sip of the coffee that she had sneaked into the conference room. Her body rebelled against her as it began to tire, and just in time too, for she was up next.

She barely pulled it off, her conscious self sensed the unsatisfied looked in the manager's eyes. The good impressions, the careful thought and alertness during other people's proposals, all came down to nothing with her own lousy one.

"Alright, thank you consultants. I will discuss with my board of directors and we will inform you of our decision by the end of today," Mr Oak ended with a forced grin.

"Thank you, Mr Oaks," Ms Chavez said before stepping out of the conference, in a hurry to get out of sight before her tears could flow. But they didn't. No, good impressions must be maintained at all times.

crash
There was someone in her office, looking out through the bird's eye windows. Even before she could storm into the office, her accountant, or so she thought, gave her a large stack of papers, saying, "Mrs Shaler, here is the paperwork that you have to settle by today. It's just simple accountings; first you..." "Where's your manners?" Ms Chavez interrupted in shock and horror. "And I know perfectly well how to calculate simple numbers. Now if you'll give me a minute..."

"Excuse me, madam, but this is my office. Would you please leave and get back to your work?" "Mrs Shaler, I'm extremely shocked; you don't even know the members of the splendid workforce you have spread before your eyes. For your information, I am new in this company but I’m most certainly not new in the field of consultancy. This is the office G99-07—my new office, so would you please get back to your desk and your work. I believe Ms Zelda would have already given you the accounting sheets," a lady with heavy makeup fired a long list of instructions at Ms Chavez.

"Excuse me?" Ms Chavez could not take in the shock. "No, you're to call me Ms Genieve. Now hurry along," Ms Genieve replied while gesturing to a small clutted desk towards the far side. "And don't forget to clean up your table," Ms Genieve chided as a mother would to her children while pushing Mrs Shaler out of the office almost effortlessly.

fall apart
She sat on her new table. No, she did not understand how to work the accounts; she had always made her accountants do what she thought to be a trivial part of business.

Numbed of emotions, she picked up the large folders and arranged them on the shelf. After all, no matter how far into the corner of the office, she is still in a workplace where reputations have to be maintained.

The office plunged into darkness. Workers became restless with confusion. Ms Genieve's voice rose above the darkness, "Everyone, please calm down. In your desk you should find a torchlight. We are always prepared. Now get back to work by torchlight."

Mrs Shaler didn't move. It was dark now. No one can see her.

The chair broke; it was probably from the storeroom anyway. She crumpled onto the ground, not bothering to pick herself up.

The mask fell out. Her self was revealed. Soft, silently screaming for help... For once, people could tell the story in her face. But who in that room saw?
[1] Casting Crowns. Lifesong. (CD)

Inspired by Stained Glass Masquerade, a song sung by Casting Crowns, which is a brilliant group. I look around me, and I find that many people put up something in place of their real self. It doesn't quite hold though.. let God be the core support of your life!

A finding you cannot refute... God's love.

2006-04-09T03:14:00.000-07:00

Does Anybody Hear Her?
Casting Crowns

She is running
100 Miles an hour
In the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyons ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
she's another 2 years older and she's 3 more steps behind

Chorus:
Does anybody hear her?
Can anybody see?
Lord does anybody even know she's going down today?
Under the shadow of our steeple
with all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her?
Can anybody see?

She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in,
to ride in and save the day
And then walks in her prince charming
and he knows just what to say
A momentary lapse of reason
and she gives herself away

Chorus

If judgement looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Who can't see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her
If judgement looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Who can't see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her
Never even met her

Chorus 2x

He is running 100 miles an hour in the wrong direction

Does anyone know whether scarlet letter has the same meaning as red letter? I love this song. I mean, how many times a day do we look carefully at the souls around us and sense a masquerade being played? And how many times do we not just love those who are like us, but go beyond that into the unloved. Love the unloved. Reminds me of Love Them Like Jesus. You don't need the answer to all of life's questions; just know that He loves them, stay by their side. Love them like Jesus....

Acidic~ Excerpts

2006-04-08T20:00:00.000-07:00

[Chris]
29th February 2004
I've got to see that counselor again. Such a shame that she did not join an acting company. I thought my mum was brilliant enough with acting, but this counselor is unbeatable. Seriously. Look at the way she plasters on that smile whenever she sees my mum and I. Just listen to that "Shayne, thanks for sharing" every time I leave the counseling room, even when I am damn sure that I said no more than ten words. There is also "Oh I understand" whenever I respond to her bombardment of questions such as "How's school?" and "How are things at your side?" with "sucks". Like she really cares. I recently figured that the trick to saving saliva is to wait for her long list of questions, then simply answer with one word: sucks. It satisfies her, someway.

Such a waste of time, these counseling sessions are. The only thing these sessions ever did for me was to get me excused from those "co-curricula activities" and "class bonding sessions" that some peeps make us go for. Yes, I am actually enrolled in a school; I am a man of surprises. The founder of the school must have felt rather hungry. Gave it the name of a German sausage. Who'd name a school "Kratzi High"?

Not that I care, nor do I even go to school everyday. I only go for chemistry lessons. It is actually the only useful thing that schools teach these days. Gone were the days when they would fiddle around with hammers and wood blocks. I mean, defence is a necessity and needs to be created. Its art needs to be learnt. Isn't creativity what schools are trying to promote? Chemistry involves just a few simple steps: get the chemicals home, mix them, find the most suitable mixtures for various purposes, and then use it. Very importantly, the correct mixture must be used for the correct purposes, so that its performance level can be stretched to the optimum. For example, you will not be using ammonium when you want to set a house on fire; instead, you will be trying to increase the carbon content or the oxygen flow of the fire. Understand how certain materials weaken under the stress of heat and voila, the house comes down.

Yes, it comes down in a beautiful crash. I will make such a crash resonate in this neighbourhood! How I gleam at this thought. The cops will come rushing in but alas, I shall be gone in the twinkle of an eye. I am invincible. Yes, my vision will turn into reality soon; I can smell it...

Oh, dread that stupid phone call. This counselor never fails to nag. We cannot even be an hour late. No, we cannot; she rings us up to get us there at 3.30p.m. when the appointment only started at 3p.m.. Such a waste of my time. Mum does not even care; why should I? But I do not like inspectors barging into my room like what happened the 3rd time I was late and we did not answer the phone. I'd better make a move now. How much counsel can one offer for someone who just took a couple of holidays that "worried your mum and dad"? Worried my foot. I bet they were rejoicing with the increase of space at home. These people are beyond my great understanding. Well, I was never really great with actors or actresses.

[Catrine]
29th February 2004
Ha. They got the forecast wrong again. Yesterday they gave the wrong forecast to the newspaper boy newsreader newscaster. Serves them right for not listening to me. Proves that the computer is screwed. Heck to jumbling up the information from our satellites; I've the experience.
Tomorrow: Rain clouds thinning in the central, wind driving clouds away to the north, sweltering hot weather down in the south. Fair weather at the east. They gave the newscaster something else again.
I'm jotting down my forecasts in black and white so that I will always know my brilliant forecasts and show them how right I was. I tell you, at this rate we're going, we are going to get sued by the public for forecasting the wrong weather one too many times. Never mind, I shall just say that I did make the correct forecast and yet no one listened. I have done my job.
Predicting the weather is so great! Every time I'll get my forecast right and can tell those stubborn heads that they got theirs wrong. Ha... At least I can foretell what's to come when it comes to weather; my son Chris is another matter altogether. Totally unpredictable. Like what I sometimes joke about in the weather station; If you can't predict the weather, leave it be. But we weather forecasters never got down to "leaving it be", or else our heads will be rolling. However, I can safely leave the boy alone and he'll be fine. He is not for me to control anyway. Humans are humans, made to be free instead of being caged up like zoo animals.
I'm taking a nap. Dinner will come later. Heavens knows why they need "mother and son" bonding every counseling session. Heck.

[Chris]
1st March 2004
Brilliant. The Egg's house is going down. All those extra exercises that she always threatens me with are going to become nothingness. For goodness’s sakes, chemistry is not about drawing idiot molecules and looking at how many valence electrons they have. Those people have lost the meaning of chemistry.

The egg knows perfectly well that combustion can best be encourage with a constant flow of oxygen, yet she has so smartly constructed a patio with large doors leading to it. The wonder of her design is that her stairwell is just right behind the doors. Such a wonderful constant supply of oxygen can reach her stairwell. The beauty about that location is that the main supports of the building are all supporting the four corners of the stairwell. The stairs come down, the main supports down, then finally, the whole house! And her house can't get any better. The flooring is parquet! Imagine; such a wonderful expansive source of fuel. So there egg; that's chemistry put into good use, not just wasting time staring at worksheets.

Now just one more thing to do before tomorrow's mission: I'm gonna try to figure out how to reach a very high unpiloted ignition temperature in the shortest time possible. Victory is coming at midnight today. 23 more hours to go; I can make it by then.

This is my full story, not any excerpts or anything. excerpts is part of my title.Titles are quite a big bother sometimes. PleasePleasePlease comment/critique/critic/compliment. my 3rd installment for the english portfolio 2nd draft. pathetic eh.. and no one, not a soul has comment on Search, which is my FIRST installment. 2nd one is too pathetic to put up even though it's 2nd draft is done.

oh btw, I owe my research to
http://www.azobuild.com/news.asp?newsID=1554
http://science.howstuffworks.com/fire1.htm
for tips on how to bring a house down.

Two songs I wanna sing for Glorify today

2006-04-07T19:42:00.000-07:00

Centre of my Life

LET MY WORDS BE LOUD
LET MY WALK BE THROUGH
LET MY LIFE BE WHOLE
WITH MY EYES ON YOU

LORD I'M STEPPING OUT
FROM THE COMFORT ZONE
LETTING GO OF ME
HOLDING ON TO YOU

FREEDOM COMES,
WHEN I CALL YOU LORD
YOU ARE LORD, MY GOD

[CHORUS]
YOU ARE THE CENTRE OF IT ALL
THE UNIVERSE DECLARES IT ALL
YOUR MAJESTY I SURRENDER ALL
I MAKE YOU THE CENTRE OF MY LIFE
LORD I RESPOND WITH ALL I AM
YOU PLACED IN ME THE SONG OF HEAVEN'S MELODY
YOUR MAJESTY
I LIVE TO SING YOUR SONG

God, how many times have I failed you. yet, i cry out that i wanna make you the centre of my life. Am I putting myself in your place? I dun wan it that way. No I don't..

Only You

HOW COULD I LIVE
WITHOUT YOU
HOW WOULD I SURVIVE
WITHOUT YOUR LOVE
WITHOUT YOUR TOUCH
YOU'RE THE ONE THAT HEALED ME
THAT CLEANSES MY HEART
AND SETS ME FREE

NOW I COME RIGHT BEFORE YOU
WITH MY HANDS LIFTED HIGH
AND MY HEART HUMBLE BOWED
AT YOUR WORKS ON THE CROSS
AS YOU HUNG THERE AND DIED
YOU WERE PAYING THE PRICE
FOR MY LIFE
FOR MY LIFE

[CHORUS]
FOR YOUR LOVE
IS HIGHER THAN THE HEAVENS
DEEPER THAN THE SEA
AND ALL I WANT IS YOU
IN MY LIFE
NO ONE ELSE
CAN SATISFY MY SOUL
MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY
ONLY YOU LORD
ONLY YOU

You know, actually a lot of the blogs of my Christian friends are now crying out of desperation for God. Recently, I haven't found anyone who goes around evangelizing and wholeheartedly striving to live for God and yet feeling no opposition, no battle within their heart.. Nope nope. But yet, I delight in hardship, for through hardship God's grace can be seen-- the grace that sustains me through the hardship cos I've got nothing else to depend on.

Desperation

2006-04-05T08:56:00.000-07:00

Just like to share this country song from Carrie Underwood. Yes, you might think that it's old-fashioned and whatnot with its narrative structure, but I think that it is very very meaningful...

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinatti
on a snow white Christmas eve.
Going home to see her momma and her daddy
with the baby in the back seat.
Fifty miles to go,
and she was running low on faith and gasoline.
It'd been a long, hard year.

She had a lot on her mind
and she didn't pay attention
She was going way too fast.
and before she knew it,
she was spinning on a thin, black sheet of glass.
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes,
she didn't even have time to cry
She was so scared.
She threw her hands up in the air.

[Chorus]
Jesus take the wheel,
take it from my hands,
cause I can't do this on my own.
I'm letting it go,
so give me one more chance.
Save me from this road I'm on.
Jesus take the wheel.

It was still getting colder
when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop.
She cried when she saw,
that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock.
And for the first time in a long time,
she bowed her head to pray.
she said "I'm sorry for the way I've been living my life.
I know I've got to change
so from now on, tonight"

[Chorus]
Jesus take the wheel,
take it from my hands,
cause I can't do this on my own.
I'm letting it go,
so give me one more chance.
Save me from this road I'm on.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,
Jesus take the wheel.

Oh, I'm letting go,
so give me one more chance,
To save me from this road I'm on.
From this road I'm on.
Jesus take the wheel.
Oh, take it,take it from me.
Ooh-wah-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo

That was Jesus Take the Wheel. Talented singer Carrie Underwood is.

God has brought me to the point of desperation where I just have to tell Him "Jesus, you take the wheel of my life; I can't drive it any longer". I guess it was a lot on my pride, that I had to face such terrible consequences. But praise God, I have survived a few nights of close shaves with homework datelines. I'd better not have another close shave tonight so I'm getting to bed. Thank you Lord!

p.s. english journal 3rd installment due this friday and I haven't even half finished it.ah...

Life goes on..

2006-04-03T03:51:00.000-07:00

My writing status is pathetic... My latest piece needs to be up by this friday. But I've so much work.. how to squeeze i writing. Actually, I don't like to blame "having too much work". I'd like to say that my priorities are not there. Oh well...

Just like to share this song that I really love...

CENTRE OF IT ALL
Let my words be loud,
Let my walk be true,
Let my life be whole
With my eyes on you.

Lord I'm stepping out
From the comfort zone,
Letting go of me,
Holding on to you.

Freedom comes
When I call you Lord;
You are Lord, My God

[Chorus]
You are the centre of it all
The universe declares it all
Your majesty,
I surrender all.
I make you the centre of my life,
Lord I respond with all I am
You placed in me the song
Of Heaven's melody
Your majesty, I live to sing you song

What do I centre my life around? School.. no, though it is important to glorify God in all that you do. My own short-term happiness? Pursuing it relentlessly would lead to my downfall.

Smile!

2006-04-02T16:07:00.000-07:00

Let me just take this time

To bring you a smile or a grin

May this little message of mine

Clear all puny troubles in mind

Hope this simple token of care

Makes you feel unique and rare

Smile; cos I care! =)

(Adapted from what I got from a good friend of mine *winks*)

How Real Is Real?

2006-04-01T23:48:00.000-08:00

How real is God? That's what I asked myself once in a while, just to re-confirm my faith. Then, I look back in my life, and just marvel at the many times God has answered my prayers. If that is not real enough, I look at how God appeared to me. Even as a P4 kid in children's camp, I can testify of how intense God's presence was, so intence that I fell on my knees. And that was just P4, around the start of my exciting walk with Christ. Even this year, I got my Valentine's day gift from God--His unconditional, ever-present love.

Why then, do I question my faith? Reconfirmation.. as a human, I look for confirmation. I'm one who finds no point doing anything if I don't see why I have to do it. Why believe if there's no point doing so?

That's where God's mercy comes in. How Jesus, a perfectly sinless man, came down to take away our sins. What for? Cos He loves us so much that He wants to bring us back to Him and bridge that gap. Love and bridge for what? Bridge.. so that we can have that saving, intimate relationship with Him; that we can talk to Him and Him to us; that we can have that saving faith in Him. Love... I'm not to sure how to answer. Cos He made us? It's like, your parents "made" you, therefore they love you. (All those who disagree, I'll analyse your parents for you) Why do you love someone? I love cos I'm abundant of it; I have my everlasting source. What about God? I dunno...

Proof of God: Look at the life of a God- invaded Christian. I've testimonies in abundance. DOn't just stand there; get to feel Him for yourself.

Love= a measure of the willlingness of one to sacrifice for the good of another. Jesus sacrificed His life; accept His love. To the Christians out there: how much are you willing to sacrifice for Him?

Isa 50

2006-03-29T03:33:00.000-08:00

I shall aim to be concise with my post because I have not much time to blog. I just want to share something that I learnt from Isaiah 50 today.

vs 10 Who among you fears the LORD and obeys the words of His servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God
vs 11 But now, all you who light fires and provide for yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze. This is what you shall receive from my hand: You will lie down in torment

This rebuke is so sharp, so real. We're not to go around leading ourselves with our own lights. How can we, who know not the future, try to guide ourselves into it? The point is submission and surrender into God's plans. trust and rely in Him.

Sorry I'm not getting much of my stories through. What with my terrible time management, I have barely been able to squeeze in this time to type this. People, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE scroll down a little bit more and critique Search. Thank you!

What on earth am I doing here?

2006-03-27T02:35:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the sudden ending of my post yesterday. I was rushed of to bed by my dad who was shocked that I still blogged when it was midnight. I dun ever do that. But as promised, I shall tell the story of the candles from my own POV.

Four candles were placed in a storeroom. One night, there was a blackout and the house was left in complete darkness. The master came into the storeroom in search for a candle, saying proudly," This is the moment, my dear candles, for which you were made for. You have done a great job lighting up the storeroom; wait till I get you out where you really needed.."

He about to take one candle out when it exclaimed, "Master, don't take me out yet! I need more preparation!" The master couldn't believe his ears, "More preparation?"

"Yes, yes," the candle replied pleadingly. "I need to research more on the art of shining. I can't afford to make any mistakes when I'm out there shining for you. The glow of an untrained candle can be really distorted you know? I'm have just completed my research on how to counter wind resistance. I'm on my latest book "Displaying Your flame". Knowledge is terribly important.."

"All right then" said the Master, blowing out the candle. "I've got many other candles to use."

"No, we can't go out either!" The other candles.

"But lighting up the darkness is what you candles were made for! What do you mean you can't go?"

"I'm sorry Master but I'm terribly busy now. I am meditating on the importance of light. It's really enlightening. To master an art, one must spend time crafting it in his mind; then the true power of that art can be displayed," said the 2nd candle.

A third candle spoke up. "I'm waiting for the day when I can get my life in order. I'm currently not stable enough. I lose my temper easily and my emotions go up and down. I won't produce a steady flame."

The master looked at the last candle. "I'd sure like to help master," said the last, "But my gifting is in the field of singing, not lighting the darkness. I sing to encourage other candles to burn more brightly. All for one, one for all." At this, she began singing "This Little Light of mine". The candles joined in the chorus and soon, the whole storeroom was filled with singing.

the master took a step back and looked at the 4 healthy candles, all singing to each other about light but refusing to come out of the storeroom. One by one, he blew them out, but they kept singing till the end.

The original was from Max Lucado, a brilliant writer. Then the story was adapted into my training book. What on earth are you doing for God? What on earth am I doing for God? He has topped up more and abudantly. What do I do with what He gives me? I'm not a weak old lady with no hope for the future; God has even gone to the extent of showing me the vision. Then I sit around and preach and talk crap but don't do anything? Expectation.. you're so right man.. Enter a new day and what to I expect out of it?

So good!

2006-03-26T08:09:00.000-08:00

I know it's late and all but I must say this. Otherwise, I can't sleep. God has really been so good to me.

Yesterday, I began the day rather tired, very weary.. just, losing my spiritual consciousness. Then, in the bus, when I got Royston's sms telling me to pray (thanks Royston!), I just began to open up to God. You know, that's something that I very often forget. Just letting God in! He has done His part; He ran up to me. I just have to open up everyday. And that was what I did in that bus. I entered the room where Lcell has already started with God behind me. (I sprinted 400m ok?) Coincidental to what God has recently been impressing upon me, Michelle led the Lcell in this song:

WON'T YOU LORD
TAKE A LOOK AT OUR HANDS
EVERYTHING WE HAVE
USE IT FOR YOUR PLAN

WON'T YOU LORD
TAKE A LOOK AT OUR HEARTS
MOULD IT, REFINE IT
AS YOU SET US APART

[CHORUS]
WE WANT TO RUN TO THE ALTAR
TO CATCH THE FIRE
AND STAND IN THE GAP
BETWEEN THE LIVING AND THE DEAD
GIVE US A HEART OF COMPASSION
FOR A WORLD WITHOUT VISION
WE WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE
BRINGING HOPE UNTO OUR LAND

This song, in turn, coincides with wat God revealed to me through my adult leader's sharing. Being the light of the world. Chapt 4 of our training book "New Calling". Just another chapter you might think. But it really made me think... post the story up tomorrow.

Acidic: part 1

2006-03-17T00:46:00.000-08:00

Acidic

Acidic~ Having the ability to dissociate in water to form H+ ions (I think)

[Shayne]
29th February 2004
I've got to see that counselor again. Such a shame that she did not join an acting company. I thought my mum was brilliant enough with acting, but this counselor is unbeatable. Seriously. Look at the way she plasters on that smile whenever she sees my mum and I. Just listen to that "Shayne, thanks for sharing" every time I leave the counseling room, even when I am damn sure that I said no more than ten words. There is also "Oh I understand" whenever I respond to her bombardment of questions such as "How's school?" and "How are things at your side?" with "sucks". Like she really cares. I recently figured that the trick to saving saliva is to wait for her long list of questions, then simply answer with one word: sucks. It satisfies her, someway.

Such a waste of time, these counseling sessions are. The only thing these sessions ever did for me was to get me excused from those "co-curricula activities" and "class bonding sessions" that some peeps make us go for. Yes, I am actually enrolled in a school; I am a man of surprises. The founder of the school must have felt rather hungry. Gave it the name of a German sausage. Who'd name a school "Kratzi High"?

Not that I care, nor do I even go to school everyday. I only go for chemistry lessons. It is actually the only useful thing that schools teach these days. Gone were the days when they would fiddle around with hammers and wood blocks. I mean, defence is a necessity and needs to be created. Its art needs to be learnt. Isn't creativity what schools are trying to promote? Chemistry involves just a few simple steps: get the chemicals home, mix them, find the most suitable mixtures for various purposes, and then use it. Very importantly, the correct mixture must be used for the correct purposes, so that its performance level can be stretched to the optimum. For example, you will not be using ammonium when you want to set a house on fire; instead, you will be trying to increase the carbon content or the oxygen flow of the fire. Understand how certain materials weaken under the stress of heat and voila, the house comes down.

Yes, it comes down in a beautiful crash. I will make such a crash resonate in this neighbourhood! How I gleam at this thought. The cops will come rushing in but alas, I shall be gone in the twinkle of an eye. I am invincible. Yes, my vision will turn into reality soon; I can smell it...

Oh, dread that stupid phone call. This counselor never fails to nag. We cannot even be an hour late. No, we cannot; she rings us up to get us there at 3.30p.m. when the appointment only started at 3p.m.. Such a waste of my time. Mum does not even care; why should I? But I do not like inspectors barging into my room like what happened the 3rd time I was late and we did not answer the phone. I'd better make a move now. How much counsel can one offer for someone who just took a couple of freedom breaks? These people are beyond my great understanding. Well, I was never really great with actors or actresses.

Meaning of acidic given just to confirm my choice of title. Makes me more sure of what I'm doing. Yes, this is my first piece that gets rather vulgar. Influenced by one of the characters in my book. Mild vulgarities compared to what I hear, sadly, from people around me. But I'm not gonna compromise my stand on vulgarities. This is my first time typing in diary style. Please help me.

Search extract

2006-03-17T00:41:00.000-08:00

Hey! I don't expect many people to see this the minute I get this up. My blog's been rotting anyway... But I still write, almost always just for the sake of the english portfolio. Here's what I extracted from Search because of the word limit. It's the better bit anyway...

Search

Lost
As I squeezed my way out of the coffee shop, my eyes shifted from one face to another, frantically searching for my new young friend and her "enemy-in-disguise". Where were they? I thought I glimpsed them striding out of the coffee shop and lunged forward, only to bump into a large unshaved man with unkempt hair and an unbuttoned top. I reeled back, muttered "sorry", then dashed past him into the walkway outside the shop. Lost. The couple had vanished from my sight.

I ran from block to block within that neighbourhood, determined to find her. Gone. Both were lost. Drenched in sweat but still charged up with energy, I gritted my teeth in frustration and gave the ground one hard stamp before whirling in the direction of my church where I gave voluntary tuition to less fortunate kids.

Unfelt?
There I saw her again, sitting at the very same spot in the coffee shop, but her table filled with more beer bottles than I have ever seen since the first day I saw her a one month ago. "Hey there again! I still haven't gotten to know your name," I managed to coerce a smile even though I was planning a lecture of "good counsel" in my head. The young girl looked up at me before lowering her eyes without a hint of recognition. She then emptied a full cup of beer down her throat.

I reached out my hand in preparation to pull back her hand again, should she reach out for the bottle again. That should set the tone right. But she just simply sat back and stared at the empty mug. Something in her eyes just melted my planned words of rebuke. It was so... familiar, so... tangible.

Lost for words, I took out my notebook, once again, as a natural reaction. Out of habit, I read the last paragraph of where I left off. "I figured those grownups don't know anything. What can they understand? What nonsense about "I can understand" and "I'll try to help you". At least, that was what I thought about with all that counseling I'm sent for. My parents never cared; what more those teachers and counselors."

Whoa, I thought. Yea, that was what I thought when I was younger. Could that be how this young lady is now viewing the world? That thought pulled me back, away from thoughts of giving this lady a "little lecture".

Slightly Felt?
I ordered two cups of iced Milo from the drink stall. Placing one in front of her, I settled down behind my own. "Try it my dear friend," I coded her on. I was soon sipping quickly on my cup, but she did no more than stare at the brown chocolaty drink.

"Well I've got a story to finish," I said, pulling out my notebook again. As I wrote, I tried to start up a conversation with her. I asked her about school, family, hobbies, pastimes, sports, fashion etc everything I could think of. I shared with her some of the things that I do, all the teaching, tutoring, counseling, and jogging. Sometimes I get so involved with my "topic of discussion" that I put down my pen and look, eyes shining with enthusiasm, straight at the gloomy face, no matter how dull the eyes I have to look into are.

However, the only response I get from her is the occasional raising of eyebrows, maybe as a result of wonder, question or maybe even challenge of how long I can continue. Regardless, I continued multitasking in this manner until I drank up the last of my Milo, while she on the other hand, had ordered a lot more beer bottles. I glanced at her cup of Milo. It was still full, untouched. Noticing my empty cup, she took her beer bottle and topped it up with the golden frothy liquid.

"Beer? No thanks. I am aware that moderate amounts of beer will assist in the workings of your mind but no thanks. It tastes horrible," I rose and poured the beer into a tiny nearby sink that I often see drunkards spitting into. The girl, as if rather aggravated, sprang up from her seat and glared face-to-face at me. "That's good beer you're wasting!" Hey, I thought to myself, her voice is not too bad. "I've paid up for you. I've bought you some Milo to make up for lose of beer, haven't I?" I retaliated, with a slight grin, quite unaware of whatever I was doing. "Now, do take a seat and drink up that good Milo."

Out of spite, she grabbed the cup of Milo and poured it down the same sink. Plopping herself back onto her seat, she poured herself another cup of beer. "Can't you see, my dear friend, that excessive consumption of alcohol is bad for you. It gets you on high for a minute then low on another. You end up doing things that you might not fully understand the true nature of." My knowledge kicked into action. With a similar reaction force, the teenage side of my brain gave me another kick. No lectures for teenagers. "I'm so sorry, but it'd be really horrible if your course of life fluctuates with your mood." "Who cares?" An almost defeated voice replied. "I do," I replied firmly. I meant it; can she feel it?

She slumped back in her chair, eyes staring down at her lap. I believe the emotions are locked within that chamber in her eyes, but I could not look into them.

Realization
Recalling our first meeting and her curiosity in my work, I picked up my notebook. "Hey do you want to read this? I've continued a lot from the last time you looked at it." Placing it on her lap, she flipped through the pages. Suddenly, she looked up. "Why are you writing about your fantasies of how my life is like? Why are you trying to place me in such a horrible life story? You got part of your story from my meeting with Wen Zheng did you? Stop imagining things will you?" She fired at me.

"So Wen Zheng is his name," I said thoughtfully. I smiled into those indignant eyes, "My dear friend, I'm not writing about you; I'm writing about me." I held that gaze for a few seconds while realization hit upon her. Turning her head away, she stared back at the notebook.

Glancing at my watch, I reached out for my notebook, saying, "I'm so sorry but I have to go. I'll try to finish my story as soon as possible. But I think you know much of the end of the story already don't you?"

Slinging my bag over my shoulders again, I headed off for home, where I had invited friends over for dinner. I will be back, my dear friend. Stopping in my tracks, I realised that I have not gotten to know her name. I whirled around, only to see her poised thoughtfully over the table of beer bottles, beer mugs and Milo cups. Not wanting to disturb her solitude of thoughts, I went on my way rather satisfied.

Is it ok to go without much of a climax? Ms tan will actually come after me for that... Well. I've got another story to post. I shan't post my expository though. DOubt many people will appreciate it.

Write, rewrite, and keep writing

2006-01-15T03:05:00.000-08:00

"Write, rewrite, write, rewrite" That's what Ms Tan told me. Well, I have written another chapter of "Burdens of Life". Anyone recalls that story? Well, who is tired by it already? Nic wanted more. Yea, I got up more, but I don't quite dare to post it up. I've written a lot of dialogue again. "All dialogues must serve a purpose." I tried twitching it otherwise, but the effect is not that strong. I just wanna know who's already tired of Burdens of Life.

Alright, I'll stop procrastinating. I'll post up my next chapter. I have problems stopping this story.

Out of place
Just as she was about to rush off to her next conference, the office phone rang. Releasing a heave of exasperation, she picked up the phone. “Ms Deline here. How may I help you?” “Hello Mrs Shanter, or Ms Deline, whatever you call yourself. This is Renez here. We are pleased to inform you that a new senior shall be placed over you.” “I beg your pardon boss. A new senior?” Ms Deline could not believe her ears. She was the managing director of her own team of workers; now she was to be under someone else’s charge. “Yes Mrs Shanter. She will assist you greatly with your proposals. We’re sending her over this very minute so that the two of you can get acquainted with each other.” Before the she could object, or as a matter of fact, put across any of her valued opinions, the speaker on the other end of the phone line cut the conversation.

Without much of a knock or a warning of any kind, her office door swung open. “Greetings, Mrs Shanter. My name is Jeneviereta. You may call me Miss Jeneviereta.” “Er… yes, pleased to meet you Miss Je… what was it again? But I have to go for a conference now. And next time you do drop by, could you please kindly knock on the door? Excuse me now will you?” Ms Deline hurried to open the door and usher the unwelcomed intruder out. “It’s Jeneviereta. Now Mrs Shanter, You shall not be the one telling me to do this and that. I have sent someone in your place to the conference. Don’t worry; I’ve seen to it that the presentation is flawless.” Miss Jeneviereta picked up the family photo that Ms Deline kept on her desk. Miss Jeneviereta lifted her eyebrows in interest at the photo.

Ms Deline rushed to snatch back the photo. Trying to order her thoughts, she replied “So I guess, we have some time to talk,” as she sat back in her office chair. Miss Jeneviereta began pacing the large office. “Firstly, there will be change in the way we work as a team. Your job is to create proposals with presentations. Then, I’ll hand the task of presenting to more influential people, those who know how to better keep their composure.”

Ms Deline face turned blacker and blacker as she listened to Miss Jeneviereta issuing out her orders. The words hit her hard. Spending hours on end in front of a computer screen was most certainly not what she wanted to do for the rest of her career. “What? I beg your pardon Miss Je… whatever your name is. I’m going to do up a presentation with every single proposal? And someone else who doesn’t fully understand what my proposal is about is going to present in my place? How to you expect us to clinche any deals?”

Miss Jeneviereta’s fair forehead creased in annoyance. She stopped short in front of Ms Deline’s table and glared straight into Ms Deline’s eyes. “For one, Mrs Shanter, if your proposal cannot be understood by other professional consultants, how do you expect the troubled managers from other companies to be able to understand it? In other words, your proposal would then be deemed as incomprehensible and you would have to redo it. Another thing; pay attention, my name is Miss Jeneviereta. Only tongue-tied people cannot pronounce it, much less remember it. You get me?” Determined not to show any sign of weakness or compromise, Ms Deline reflected the laser-like glare. “Fine. I’ll do the proposal write-ups with complimentary presentations. What’s the first assignment for me, senior?” Ms Deline retorted, her voice dripping with sacarsm.

“As a matter of fact, Mrs Shanter,” Miss Jeneviereta banged her fist down on Ms Deline’s desk, “I have for you the list of datelines for the various proposals that you have to complete this week.” Ms Deline raised her eyebrows mockingly. “So much for composure, Miss Jen-the-great.” Miss Jeneviereta drew a deep breath, in spite of her raging mind that was going through various schemes to “put Mrs Shanter back in her place”. “We’ll see about that Mrs Shanter,” Miss Jeneviereta said as she whirled around and slammed the office door shut behind her.

Comments appreciated.

Orientation 06. Initium

2006-01-06T17:41:00.000-08:00

Yes, orientation. The very reason I couldn't write for the past month. I could go on and on about the above mentioned topic. I guess I shall just pick on a few aspects. On a whole, I would call this orientation a success. the pace was slow at first. But then, it began to pick up as we swung into orientation mood on the 2nd day. the spirit was in full swing by the 3rd day and an emotional ending with the investiture on the 4th night. Thoughout, the whole programme, I admit that my physical limits were streched. But no, I had to maintain the high-energy level in front of the newbies and the PSLs. Came home to sound like a living dead. Nevertheless, M06105 picked up the spirit and that is reward enough. Everyone who knows how hoarse I sound now should be able to guess what I've been doing. I even have problems swallowing my saliva.

All the same, 1o5 proved great. To pick an individual that can illustrate the change in the mg.. Presenting Stuart (not little). First day, he was like "Why are you so enthu?" By the 3rd day, he was "Yeeeah! 105!" and the 4th day "i'm suffering under the attack of the cracker crumbs for the glory of 105". Yup, that's just about how my mg changed; from raising their eyebrows at my enthusiasm on the 1st day to fighting as one on the 3rd and 4th. yup, I'll sure miss them.

Games sessions.. M06105 ought to have learnt a lot from those. It's like a crash course. I've never yelled so much at them. But it was very heartening to see that they really began to support one another. It can no longer be about "Me, me and me". For them, it began to be about "you, me and us as a mg". In addition to that, I hope they've learnt up about being united as a school. I'm so proud of them.

The Code was, from what I can see, a success, even though there were loadsa last minute changes like building sandcastles instead of finding a rice grain, shorter time for race, broken telephone line instead of mass dance (cos the CD player failed us). The Code comm, unfortunately led by me, did a really great job. Greg initiated loadsa stuff. And I must say, the three musketeers, esp Paul and Xuan Hao, sure proved to be more capable than I thought. The yr 3 girls, I have no idea how they did it but on three counts and their stations were ready. Thanks to all PSLs for helping! Couldn't have done it without you guys!

Investiture.. Couldn't be a more joyous ocassion. They're finally NUSHSians officially! I dare say I've obviously grown fatter since the last time I wore my long-sleeved shirt. Even my parents agree so. Thank God the blazer hid all my fats. Nvm, train for bad, begin on the school work regime and well.. we'll see what happens next.

Initium, a success! Back to revision.

Long time

2006-01-01T17:28:00.000-08:00

Haven't found the time to blog for a very long time. losing touch with my story cos I was searching for new ones during my trip. You'll be surprised Jun Le, but your comments search for improvements.

Yes, first post in the new year. God's been good in 2005! Couldn't have made it without His grace and mercies that are renewed for me everyday. Charged up and very much ready to go, cept for revision of course. And Christmas! We're the reason for Christmas!

"Once again"

Jesus Christ
I think about your sacrifice
You became nothing
Poured out to death
Many times
I wonder at your gift of life
I'm in this place once again

[Chorus]
Once again I look upon the cross where You died
I'm humbled by your mercy
And I'm broken inside
Once again I thank you
Once again I pour out my life

Well (there you go junle), short song but means loads to me in this season.

For those asking about my portfolio.. As you can see from my current works, they're not up to standard for the CAP. "So-what?" Central theme not pursued relentlessly... Too direct; the CAP people have higher standards of thinking... "Chui Yi" voice too strong... Characters under-developed... That's basically a summary of all your wonderful comments. Thanks so much! Anyway, I have not enough stories to begin with. (basically none of CAP standard) So obviously, I'm not going for the CAP this year, even though it was what I pursued 2month ago, which is when my life was ordered enough for me to begin writing. Get another year, keep writing and re-writing, improve some way or another, ideas are cheap; i need to develop them (esp characters)... Well, you get my point. Au revoir for now! Wait till i figured something out with burdens of life.

Search: Extract 2

2005-12-11T03:15:00.000-08:00

Next part. Might be crumbly and all. boring too. once again, if u do get bored along the way, stop and tell me where u stopped. Thanks for all your comments! They're much appreciated.

“What are you doing?” A curious voice questioned. It was now my turn to look up in surprise. The teenage girl was now looking over the table. A sudden sense of comfort filled my heart. Smiling, I lifted my notebook up from where it usually sits on my lap. I placed it on the table and re-positioned my pen above it. “I am writing. Well every working woman does have to relax once in a while right? Though I get busy with my teaching and stuff, I let my imagination run wild in my notebook ever so often. It’s my own world in here,” I replied, eyes shining with excitement.

The girl raised her eyebrows in question. Oh dear, do I sound weird to her? I hesitated for a while. But my talkative friendly nature soon took over me and I began again. “Ha-ha, yes, I still do have a bit of a child in me. Don’t mind, do you? I’m not that old… Erm, here, you can have a look at my notebook.” I passed my precious notebook to her. Not pausing for long, she reached out her hand for my notebook. “I don’t usually let people read through what I’ve written in that notebook. No one knows what I write inside actually. These are but only my first drafts, the sketchiest of all my works. I am now only about halfway through my latest story,” I now began to reconsider whether I should have let her into my little secret world of imaginations.

No one had ever managed to unlock my house of secrets; no one, save the giver of the most powerful love. But here I am passing out letters from the cracks under the safely locked door. No, no, that won’t do. I’m going back to my old locked-up self. That won’t do, I managed to coerce myself to think otherwise.

The girl flipped through the pages. To what exact page, I have no idea, but she seemed to be settling into my latest story. Yikes, my life story. First I’m showing her my notebook, and then she ends up reading my life story. I never expected to draw this young lady so much into my world but somehow, I found myself doing so. Or maybe, she immersed herself unknowingly into mine. As she flipped through the pages of my notebook, she seemed to look no longer like the wayward teenage drunkard, but instead, I seemed to have glimpsed a soft yet crumbling chamber inside her heart beyond the hard covering of rebellion.

Search: Extract 1

2005-12-09T20:23:00.000-08:00

Kinda sick of poring over my word doc for so long. so i shall post my story in parts. well.. part 1..

She looked up in surprise, before lowering her gaze again and taking another sip of the bottle of beer. Ok, that was expected, I took in a deep breath to gather more courage and wits. “Hello!” I repeated chirpily. “My name is Li Ren. What’s yours?” I put out my hand in greeting. She eyed me warily with an icy glare. I tried to keep up the warm smile on my face. “Well then, what are you doing here? Waiting for your friends? Or are you just enjoying your solitude?” I pulled an impromptu question out of my mind in an attempt to soothe my nervousness. “Well, I think you should mind your own business and I’ll mind mine.” A coarse threatening voice replied.

A sudden wave of emotions rushed over me. I could not tell if it was pure sadness, a pinch of bitterness, or a sense of hopelessness. Here I was, staring at a perfect reflection of my youth and yet, I could not approach it appropriately. What have I gained or lost along the way that made this soul in front of me so distant yet so close to my heart? I guess I can summarize my gains, all the kindness, concern, courage, determination etcetera into one word—love. I have lost resentment to make space for love. I wanted to pass on what I have gained to this soul here.

But I’m doing just that, my unspoken reply was straightforward. However, I just took out my notebook and began writing. I was working on my latest piece. It was a story; a story of death, of love found in the wrong places, of betrayal, of perfection lost and hopes forgotten. Most importantly, my pen was telling the story of a long search for a never-failing, ever-present, unconditional, perfect love. It was telling my life story.

that's not what I have thus far but I guess I should stop here. I don't even know if my readers would wanna continue from here. and I've no idea how to counsel teenage drunkards so I've gotta do loadsa imagining here. and I'm also now trying to imagine what the writer in my story would write about. gosh...

Stamps

2005-12-09T20:16:00.000-08:00

The stamp collector placed a cut-out corner of the envelope on top of the dish of water, being mindful to bend the paper slightly downwards lest it curls up on the water. He watched the paper slowly absorbing the water. Waiting until the edges of the stamp had just started absorbing the water, he gently picked up the cut-out corner with the stamp stuck onto it. Using a pair of tweezers, he lifted the stamp off the paper, millimeter by millimeter, fearing the worst—that his precious stamp would tear or even crease. The stamp curled up in between the grasp of the tweezers in proud freedom from the piece of paper. A triumphant smile spread across the stamp collector’s sweaty nervous face. The most crucial stage was over. Now he just simply had to dry it. He loosened his grip on the tweezers and the stamp promptly slipped onto the table. Wait, something looks wrong. Peering through his thick glasses, the stamp collector noticed, to his dismay, a missing corner of the stamp. He lifted the pair of tweezers in front of his eyes and carefully pushed out a tiny piece of wet paper. The horror of this realization soon hit him hard. He had another failure stamp.

This was inspired on the spot as I lifted my own stamp off a cut-out corner of an envelope. Yes, not many people go into stamp collecting these days but nevertheless, one lesson I picked up from peeling stamps of envelopes is that one needs patience, patience throughout the whole entire painstaking process. well, received many books for my birthday so i've quite a lot to suffice for one yr of reading.

Time: Slightly edited

2005-12-02T02:00:00.000-08:00

I put my hand under the powerful falls. The waters were of a glistening silver under the gentle rays of the morning sun. So great was the force of the rushing curtain that my hand, try as I could, could not remain still as the waters pushed down my hand before slipping through my fingers. I began to skip lightly from rock to rock down the river, the excited waters rushing around my feet. Young and small-footed I was but nimble I was too.

Soon, I came to a clear cool stream. The gentle waters of the stream gurgled over the rocks before joining up with its powerful older brother. A rock stood at this junction where the two waters meet, facing the crashing of the river with one side and urging on the quiet stream with the other. How beautifully shaped this rock was, almost perfect round and smooth except for a little dent at the side facing the rushing waters. The crashing waters were slowed down as they rushed over the rock, flowing down the other side. The water tickled me gently as it flowed over my little hand that was placed on the side of the rock, down the smooth surface of the rock.

I shifted my feet onto that very rock. My gaze following the flow of the river, out of my heart a joy that could still be of reality in my innocent days surged. Not caring any longer about wet clothes and a telling off from Mother, I leaped into the river and let it carry me further downriver. I could not care about where it might lead me to; I just cared enough to dodge any obstructing rocks and let the river take me wherever it might.
___________________________________________

Great is the speed of time. Time allows glimpses of hopes and dreams, whether these glimpses be few or many. Time unveils friendships and betrayal, sometimes veiling them soon after. Time reveals tears and laughter, whether they are lasting or temporary.

Time is fast. Time cannot be held back. Time moves on, not to be bothered by anything else. More often that not, time slips through careless fingers. How long does it take for one to train enough focus to make the most of time? How much time would slip by one’s fingers before one is swift enough to grab it?

Time tests, carving and shaping just as the waters carve and shape each rock that it passes. Whether or not a rock still holds it shape depends much on its hardness. Maybe sometimes, or maybe just a little more often than sometimes, the waters carve out a beautiful rock. Though the rock may have been cut deep, it turns out of a shape beautiful among rocks, before once again, the waters carve it into a different shape altogether, be it for the better or for the worse.
____________________________________________

Attempt not to stop time! Move with it; let it take you wherever it may! Grab the opportunities that time offers; overcome the obstacles that time throws! Worry not about the result, for who can be certain of what’s to come?

Ok, that was my latest piece. Changed it a little. Royston, mind telling me which part doesn't flow, the first, second or third?A very much unedited version you have there. Please pardon me. Yes, been puzzled recently about time. So swiftly it has gone by and yet, what have I done with it? It's so.. silent. Oh well. Another piece on time. Not mine though. It's by Enya.

Only Time- Enya

Who can say where the road goes
Where the day flows
- only time
And who can say if your love grows
As your heart chose
- only time

Who can say why your heart sighs
As your love flies
- only time
And who can say why your heart cries
When your love lies
- only time

Who can say when the roads meet
That love might be
In your heart
And who can say when the day sleeps
If the night keeps all your heart
Night keeps all your heart

Who can say if your love grows
As your heart chose
- only time
And who can say where the road goes
Where the day flows
- only time

Who knows - only time...Who knows - only time...

Next another piece on time. This highlights more of the negative side of time. Time traps. Time trips, not over itself but others, whether they be cautious or not. Time deceives. Time changes, whether for the better or for the worse. Ok, that was not copied from the following piece. It's just what I understood out of it.

Timeless. That was his mind. Seated pickled in a small glass box. It never changed. Once in awhile, he would scrape off the dust encompassing his little arena. Others would walk by and exclaim, “Ah! You've changed!” But, it them who changed. Their view changed, their view of him. He watched the ages go by. Timeless.

It was like one of those fancy time-lapse movies he saw. One man stood there, never moving, while everything around him changed. People zipped by, the clouds hovered and glided away, the sky turned dark. Still that one man stood, waiting, held perhaps not by his own will. Timeless.

Delving deeper. His heart ached. He saw, a valiant warrior, in the midst of a battlefield. His comrades fell, one by one. All of them fell, and new soldiers came to replace them. Then they, too, fell. The cycle repeated. Over and over. Too fast for him to learn about the others. Yet, he himself felt no blows. He could not be touched; he was invincible. Timeless.

Then it repeated, only differently. He saw a cloud of flies. Many, oh so many. Yet one by one, as all things do, they fell. One by one passed on. Yet one remained. It hovered, then joined another group. Then they, too, fell. The cycle repeated. Yet that one fly remained. It was afflicted not by what did the others. It just remained. Timeless.

He took advantage of this time. It was, after all, time. All would be learnt in time. He looked around, about the void of time. Looking, searching for something to spend his time. Nothing, nothing but time. Timeless.

And it kept coming. Just like that, it came, over and over again. Appearing and disappearing, to appear again. It haunted him like a shadow. It moved with him, even when he couldn't see it there, he felt it. Haunting. Following. Haunting. Like a shadow. Following. A shadower. Ready to consume. Moving, closer, then distancing, then closing in. Timeless. It knew him, controlled him, manipulated him. It used him, befriended him, acknowledged him. It was him. It was him, and more. His hopes and dreams. His joys, his pain. His regrets, his acclaims. Timeless.

Ok, I don't know whether you guys are sharp enough but no, this piece was not written by me. I cannot, of yet (or maybe of forever), write anything of such depth. Not easy to understand, this piece... Not for me at least. Now my dear friend Christopher (if u ever get to read this), who's cheem around here? No, not me.. I'm a very shallow person. Next, off to check on whether Emma's story can be read in 5 minutes. Thank Emma for me will you Kylie?

Reflection on burdens of life

2005-11-29T23:25:00.000-08:00

I'm going to post my reflection on my story. please pardon me because I have no idea how to do the reflection. It's supposed to be about why you chose the subject or what technique you were trying to achieve. give me a hand here..

Reflection
I found that many people, especially I myself, hold up an illusion of themselves, whether it is intentional or not, whether it is a positive mask of a negative person or a negative mask of a positive person. I have chosen to paint a picture of someone who looks beautiful on the outside but yet is ruins on the inside because in the fast-growing business world, people have to, more often than not, keep up a good image of themselves. Reputation becomes increasingly important as competition grows. Thus, the theme of this story—illusions can destroy a person.

Wonder what I should write about next.. anorexic idea came back into my mind.. maybe I should post my candle story. well, i will. here's whatever sketch i've got anyway. i can't believe i'm doing this, i never post first sketches on my blog.

A candle in a sea of lights, its flame steadily burning, constantly pushing the other candles to burn brighter. Their melted waxes drip down their sides, before solidifying with each other to form one large piece of hardened wax on the surface.

However much the candle may want to move away into isolation, it can't, for its melted wax has already solidified onto the surface. The only way to move, is to let the lighter choose to cut out that candle. But if that ever is to be, some of its melted wax will still be left on the surface, left behind with the waxes of the other candles; and some of the wax from other candles, may have been brought away with that candle.

A candle in a sea of lights, snuffed out. No reason for other candles to go out because of that one. No one will notice, only the lighter of that candle. But it is not for the candle to control whether the other candles may quiver from the wind of the snuff. Nevertheless, the candles have to burn even brighter, to make up for the lost of that powerful light. It may be good, for when new candles come in, it won't be too hard for them to catch the flame.

Don't blame you guys if you don't get what on earth i'm talking about here. nevertheless, it'll be up. cya till i get inspiration again.

Burdens of Life: Draft 2

2005-11-28T19:20:00.000-08:00

My dear readers of this blog, I'm so sorry for having to bore u with reading draft after draft. but here is draft 2 of that horrible draft u read earlier on. I think i'd better send this draft to ms tan. erm kylie, we need to do a reflection on every story right? and the reflection is to be about what we feel of the story, what skills we were trying to develop in our writing and what else? haven't done a reflection on this yet. foreshadowing is, at any rate, not used in this story as far as I can tell. reflecting the past with the present or vice versa? I won't make it on time for next year's cap. 2 full stories and many bits and pieces (strewn over my notebooks) later, I still write nonsense. still need more practice... nevertheless... and before I forget, if u do get bored and don't feel like continuing on anywhere along this story, stop short and just tell me where u stopped.

Burdens of life

Life
A tall shapely figure stepped into the conference room. The woman’s entrance immediately captured the attention of all the other consultants, as well as that of the manager, with whom the consultants present were trying to clinch a deal with. The frown of impatience disappeared from the manager’s face.

What exactly was it that made her so attractive, it is hard to say. Maybe, it was her silky long hair resting on her slender shoulders. Maybe, it was the fair, blemish-free face that this ebony hair framed. Or maybe, it was the pair of deep-set amber eyes, enhanced by dark, long eyelashes, that seemed to hold a somewhat enchanting beauty. Or could it just be the calmness that one can feel in her presence, the calmness in the knowledge that everything is under control? Where could this calmness come from then? Probably, it came from the sure steps in her strides, or probably it came from the confident posture of the woman. Needless to say, this gorgeous woman could summon beauty beyond description.

“So sorry for causing such delay Mr Parker,” the woman apologized, her voice heavy with the stress of her work. “Ah, Mrs Shanter; it’s good to see you. Take a seat,” the manager replied with an extra touch of professionalism. “It’s Ms Davelle,” she whispered the correction. With as much grace and poise as she could muster, Ms Davelle placed her laptop and bag on the table, before sitting herself down across the table from the manager. “Alright! Let’s begin!” the manager’s pompous voice filled the conference room.

The first consultant went up, presenting his shaky proposal about his services. This presenter clearly could not clinch this deal, and Ms Davelle knew that. Her mind began to search for a flaw, or at least a point in his presentation that would not be able to meet the manager’s expectations. Jerking herself to full alertness, though she had had a very long dreary night, she surveyed the room of consultants. So young and inexperienced these people are, she thought to herself, her judgmental heart kicked into action. It shouldn’t be too hard to clinch this deal... Surely I cannot fail; I have spent a whole night of effort on this. Or can I? The whole night of events began replaying in her mind.

Burdens
“My dear, you have been very caught up with your work these days. We haven’t gone out for dinner together for a very long time.” Her husband told her, as she took another bite of the food that he had brought to her on a plate from the dinner table. For a moment, only the “tap,tap” sound of the keys could be heard as Mrs Shanter swallowed her food. “Then what do you expect me to do? Neglect my work and we’ll just depend on that measly sum that you bring in every month?” She retaliated out of spite for the possible implications of his words, but more for her life that had been getting more and more out of her control. No matter what her anger was directed at, her husband felt the pain. He had always prided himself in being able to comprehend her feelings and emotions and give her the premium help required to pull her out of whatever trench she landed herself into. Now, he felt useless; he was unable to reap in a good income, and yet, he expected his wife to split her time evenly between him and her work.

“No, I don’t mean that. It’s just... argh, just try to spend more time with...” Mr Shanter tried explaining, his usual gentle nature taking over. But this time round, his ability to find the correct words to comfort her failed him. He stumbled over his words. “Oh never mind. Don’t bother explaining. I don’t expect you to understand me. No one can. I’ll try to change. It’s just that the painstaking process that I have to go through is not that easy-going all the time,” Mrs Shanter replied. Noticing the wince on her husband’s face, her sensitive side added, “Ok, I’ll sit down with you guys for dinner tomorrow”, before escaping the conversation by going to check on her son. She thought she could glimpse a wretched look pass over her husband’s face, a painful scrunching up of his face as he muttered, “I just hope that it’s tomorrow and not tomorrow’s tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow’s tomorrow, or maybe even the day after that.”

Unneeded additions
“How do you expect to understand me? I see you are feeling very stressed from work; but please, bear in mind that I am not your stress ball which you can vent your anger and release your frustrations on.” Her teenage son had answered back to her. Her heart crumbled at his harsh, piercing words. Now she understood how her husband must have felt when she said those similar words to him. “It’s just that I get very worried when I see you unable to cope with school and all. Have I put you into the wrong school that has too high a standard for their students? Do you want to change to another school?” She asked, trying to come from a point of genuine concern for him. How on earth was she supposed to show concern to this life that had suddenly grown so different from all other lives that she understood; she had no idea.

“No mum. I told you already; I am happy in this school. The problem lies in me; I can’t manage my time properly. But I will try to change. You only see the outcome of my efforts. But of course, how are you supposed to see the processes that I so painstakingly try to go through?” Her son replied, trying to sound mature and understanding of the complicated world of adults. Sadness clouded over the one in the position of mum. “Ok mum, I know you are worried about me. But seeing you so tired out by your work, I really don’t want to add to your burdens. Go on with your work and care lest about me,” her son’s voice suddenly softened, as if he detected the cloud of sadness.

Ms Davelle jerked her wandering mind back into the present meeting in the conference room. Whose turn was it now? Ah, the first guy is done with his presentation. Ms Davelle frantically searched her mind for a good question to hurl at the consultant. From experience, she knew that good intelligent questions at other consultants are best for creating good impressions on the potential clients, as well as for highlighting the mistakes of other competitors. Clicking her mind back into analytical mode, she posed a question regarding a flaw that she had noticed around the start of his presentation. The question stumped the consultant. After stuttering over his answer, the he slunk back to his seat. He earned a judgmental nod from the manager, as if whatever bad impression that the consultant gave him was being registered into his memory. Phew, that was rather on impulse, Ms Davelle felt relief wash over her for a moment, before her disturbing memories crept back into her mind.

Sunk
Leaving her son’s room, heavy thoughts of rejection began to cloud Mrs Shanter’s head. Even my son thinks that I have cared too much about my work. What have I done? Have I done wrong by working hard to support my family? Maybe I should just quit this job and find a less stressful one. Maybe being a teacher in my son’s school would allow me to better understand his learning environment. Maybe a life of simplicity and frugality is better than one of high-class living if the former is filled with peace and close bonds. Maybe… oh, but how can I regain the trust of my family?

Carrying these burdensome thoughts, she went back to her study. Her proposal laid, half-typed out in her laptop. Back to work. The proposal was due for presentation the next day. Last minute work; that’s what most of her recent work ended up as. What with the increasing amount of proposals accepted by the various clients that need to be executed and of proposals that need to be churned out for the various clients. Business was booming, mainly because of the professional services offered by Ms Davelle to the different companies. Her pay was rising with her rank, as well as her workload. The three came in a package. Thus, the great amount of tasks Ms Davelle had to do. She had to squeeze more tasks into the 24 hours that she had every day. Sleep, exercise and family time were compromised.

Deeper
Rubbing her tired eyes, her sore fingers began to move over the keyboard again. She stopped for a moment. What am I doing? What’s the point now? My family much rather me spend more time with them than doing all these proposals? Haven’t I done more than enough for boss to keep me in his company, to keep promoting me? I couldn’t get fired even if I didn’t do this one proposal, or maybe a couple more others? I play a key role in the company’s success; everyone in the company knows that. No point toiling and losing sleep over this? Yea, why bother? A voice inside her kept on whispering words to her. Frustrated, she closed the word document without saving it. Gone; she’s free from the burden of that proposal. Or so she thought.

Wait, what am I doing? If I don’t want to work too much on this proposal, I might at least come up with a little sketchy one. It doesn’t have to be high standard, just something to tell the boss that I have at least typed out something. He ought to understand that success rate is not 100%. Yea, I’d better get started on it. With that thought in mind, she began on her work again.

Done, she thought to herself half an hour later. How free she felt, as if she had just gotten rid of a large burden that she had been balancing on her head. She had just saved the document and was about to close it when the perfectionist in her suddenly screamed “error!”. She began to re-read her proposal and true enough, she found a flaw in every single line. Almost every sentence could be improved. Delete, re-type. Delete, re-type.

She was so absorbed in her work that she did not notice the door creak open silently to reveal a worried Mr Shanter, with her son peering over his shoulder. Before her son could open his mouth to let out a greeting of “good night”, Mr Shanter pulled the door closed again. Son looked at father with a questioning look. Reading from his father’s face, her son could tell that Father wanted Mother to remain undisturbed in her work. Flashbacks of mother getting frustrated at her “pesky family” played back in the young man’s mind.

Truly, at that moment, Mrs Shanter was indeed very frustrated. So furiously was she correcting the proposal that the final piece turned out very different from the first. Much more refined, it truly was, but it had taken her a long time to re-read and correct her proposal many times over so by the time she was done, it was already well into the morning of the next day at 2a.m.. Nevertheless, she still had another proposal to do and hurried to open a new word document.

Unfound solutions
At this recollection, a grim look passed over the face of Ms Davelle, whose face was getting more and more sour as the scenes played back in her mind. She nearly forgot her half-done proposal. In her lethargy, she had fallen asleep as her laptop clicked into “energy-saving mode”. Wait, did she even save the half-done proposal? Oh no, oh no, thoughts raced through her mind at a frenetic pace, as she hurriedly pulled out her laptop and carried out a search for her “missing” document. Just before she could enter in the search, the manager called out, “All right Mrs Shanter, it’s your turn now!” Oh no, how did my turn come to be so fast? She did not even have time to go through the breathing exercises that had been learnt from a yoga master at the start of her career and had stood the tests of her various presentations; not to mention, she did not have time to worry about not asking questions about other consultants’ presentations. She panicked; for the first time in her long successful career, she panicked during a presentation.

As expected, the manager did not look too happy. Thoughts of failure clanged in the perfectionist mind of Ms Davelle. Whatever wonderful first impression she had made on the manager seemed to have been washed off by her lousy presentation. But for some strange reason, probably it was her adequate preparation the night before, or probably it was her well-trained voice that could work reasonably well regardless of her inner turmoil, the manager accepted her proposal and took her on for the job. She was afterall, known throughout all the companies in that line of business for her professionalism and efficiency. Ok, one more proposal to be executed. I guess I’ll be busy again tonight. Then, I guess I’ll join them for dinner tomorrow. Ms Davelle thought with a sigh, as she rushed out of the conference room back to her office building, where she sat typing out her next proposal while munching on the wholemeal sandwich she had packed for lunch.

just threw in some additional edits and chapter headings. crazy names I give my chapters. nevertheless, hope i get inspiration to start on a new story, be it refreshment of my old ideas or new inspirations. au revoir! all the best for ur DELF kylie!

Burdens: Draft 1

2005-11-24T21:15:00.000-08:00

I'd better post this up before I become like the woman in this story.

Burdens of life

A tall shapely figure stepped into the conference room. The woman’s entrance immediately captured the attention of all the other consultants, as well as that of the manager, with whom the consultants present were trying to clinch a deal with. The frown of impatience disappeared from the manager’s face.

What exactly was it that made her so attractive, it is hard to say. Maybe, it was her silky long hair resting on her slender shoulders. Maybe, it was the fair, blemish-free face that this ebony hair framed. Or maybe, it was the pair of deep-set amber eyes, enhanced by dark, long eyelashes, that seemed to hold a somewhat enchanting beauty. Or could it just be the calmness that one can feel in her presence, the calmness in the knowledge that everything is under control? Where could this calmness come from then? Probably, it came from the sure steps in her strides, or probably it came from the confident posture of the woman. Needless to say, this gorgeous woman could summon beauty beyond description.

“So sorry for causing such delay Mr Parker,” the woman apologized, her voice heavy with the stress of her work. “Ah, Mrs Shanter; it’s good to see you. Take a seat,” the manager replied with an extra touch of professionalism. “It’s Ms Davelle,” she whispered the correction. With as much grace and poise as she can muster, Ms Davelle placed her laptop and bag on the table, before sitting herself down across the table from the manager. “Alright! Let’s begin!” the manager’s pompous voice filled the conference room.

The first consultant went up, presenting his shaky proposal about his services. Ms Davelle tried to pay attention but it became boring and rather sickening the more she listened to this “amateur” consultant. She surveyed the room of consultants. So young and inexperienced these people are, she thought to herself, her judgmental heart kicked into action. It shouldn’t be too hard to clinch this deal... Surely I cannot fail; I have spent a whole night of effort on this. Or can I? The whole night of events suddenly began replaying in her mind.

“My dear, you have been very caught up with your work these days. We haven’t gone out for dinner together for a very long time.” Her husband told her, as she took another bite of the food that he had brought to her on a plate from the dinner table. For a moment, only the “tap,tap” sound of the keys could be heard as Mrs Shanter swallowed her food. “Then what do you expect me to do? Neglect my work and we’ll just depend on that measly sum that you bring in every month?” She retaliated out of spite for the implications of his words, but more for her life that had been getting more and more out of her control. Still, no matter what her anger was directed at, her husband felt the pain. He had always prided himself in being able to comprehend her feelings and emotion and give her the premium help required to pull her out of whatever trench she landed herself into. Now, he felt useless; he was unable to reap in a good income, and yet, he still sounded as if he expected his wife to split her time evenly between him and her work.

“No, I don’t mean that. It's just... argh, just try to spend more time with us...” Mr Shanter tried explaining, his usual gentle nature taking over. But this time round, his ability to find the correct words to comfort her failed him. He stumbled over his words. “Oh never mind. Don’t bother explaining. I don’t expect you to understand me. No one can. I’ll try to change. It’s just that the painstaking process that I have to go through is not that easy-going all the time,” Mrs Shanter replied. Noticing the wince on her husband’s face, her sensitive side added, “Ok, I’ll sit down with you guys for dinner tomorrow”, before escaping the conversation by going to check on her son. She thought she could glimpse a wretched look pass over her husband’s face, a painful scrunching up of his face as he muttered, “I just hope that it’s tomorrow and not tomorrow’s tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow’s tomorrow, or maybe even the day after that.”

Ms Davelle jerked her wandering mind back into the present meeting in the conference room. Whose turn was it now? Ah, the first guy is done with his presentation. Ms Davelle frantically searched her mind for a good question to hurl at the consultant. From experience, she knew that good intelligent questions at other consultants are best for creating good impressions on the potential clients, as well as for highlighting the mistakes of other competitors. Clicking her mind back into analytical mode, she posed a question regarding a flaw that she had noticed around the start of his presentation. The question stumped the consultant. After stuttering over his answer, the he slunk back to his seat. He earned a judgmental nod from the manager, as if whatever bad impression that the consultant gave him was being registered into his memory. Phew, that was rather on impulse, Ms Davelle felt relief wash over her for a moment, before her disturbing memories crept back into her mind.

“How do you expect to understand me? I see you are feeling very stressed from work; but please, bear in mind that I am not your stress ball which you can vent your anger and release your frustrations on.” Her teenage son had answered back to her. Her heart crumbled at his harsh, piercing words. Now she understood how her husband must have felt when she said those similar words to him. “It’s just that I get very worried when I see you unable to cope with school and all. Have I put you into the wrong school that has too high a standard for their students? Do you want to change to another school?” She asked, trying to come from a point of genuine concern for him. How on earth is she supposed to show concern to this life that has suddenly grown so different from all other lives that she understood; she has no idea.

“No mum. I told you already; I am happy in this school. The problem lies in me; I can’t manage my time properly. But I will try to change. You only see the outcome of my efforts. But of course, how are you supposed to see the processes that I so painstakingly try to go through?” Her son replied, trying to sound mature and understanding of the complicated world of adults. Sadness clouded over the one in the position of mum. “Ok mum, I know you are worried about me. But seeing you so tired out by your work, I really don’t want to add to your burdens. Go on with your work and care lest about me,” her son’s voice suddenly softened, as if he detected the cloud of sadness.

But Mrs Shanter just left the room, her head heavy with thoughts of rejection. Even my son thinks that I have cared too much about my work. What have I done? Have I done wrong by working hard to support my family? Maybe I should just quit this job and find a less stressful one. Maybe being a teacher in my son’s school would allow me to better understand his learning environment. Maybe a life of simplicity and frugality is better than one of high-class living if the former is filled with peace and close bonds. Maybe… oh, but how can I regain the trust of my family?

Carrying these burdensome thoughts, she went back to her study. Her proposal laid, half-typed out in her laptop. Back to work. The proposal was due for presentation the next day. Last minute work; that’s what most of her work ended up as these days. What with the increasing amount of proposals accepted by the various clients that need to be executed and of proposals that need to be churned out for the various clients. Business was booming, mainly because of the professional services offered by Ms Davelle to the different companies. Her pay was rising with her rank, as well as her workload. The three came in a package. Thus, the great amount of tasks Ms Davelle had to do. She had to squeeze more tasks into the 24 hours that she had every day. Sleep, exercise and family time were compromised.

Rubbing her tired eyes, her sore fingers began to move over the keyboard again. She stopped for a moment. What am I doing? What’s the point now? My family much rather me spend more time with them than doing all these proposals? Haven’t I done more than enough for boss to keep me in his company, to keep promoting me? I couldn’t get fired even if I didn’t do this one proposal, or maybe a couple more others? I play a key role in the company’s success; everyone in the company knows that. No point toiling and losing sleep over this? Yea, why bother? A voice inside her kept on whispering words to her. Frustrated, she closed the word document without saving it. Gone; she’s free from the burden of that proposal. Or so she thought.

Wait, what am I doing? If I don’t want to work too much on this proposal, I might at least come up with a little sketchy one. It doesn’t have to be high standard, just something to tell the boss that I have at least typed out something. He ought to understand that success rate is not 100%. Yea, I’d better get started on it. With that thought in mind, she began on her work again.

Done, she thought to herself half an hour later. How free she felt, as if she had just gotten rid of a large burden that she had been balancing on her head. She had just saved the document and was about to close it when the perfectionist in her suddenly screamed “error!”. She began to re-read her proposal and true enough, she found a flaw in every single line. Almost every sentence could be improved. Delete, re-type. Delete, re-type.

She was so absorbed in her work that she did not notice the door creak open silently to reveal a worried Mr Shanter, with her son peering over his shoulder. Before her son could open his mouth to let out a greeting of “good night”, Mr Shanter pulled the door closed again. Son looked at father with a questioning look. Reading from his father’s face, her son could tell that Father wanted Mother to remain undisturbed in her work. Flashbacks of mother getting frustrated at her “pesky family” played back in the young man’s mind.

Truly, at that moment, Mrs Shanter was indeed very frustrated. So furiously was she correcting the proposal that the final piece turned out very different from the first. Much more refined, it truly was, but it had taken her a long time to re-read and correct her proposal many times over so by the time she was done, it was already well into the morning of the next day at 2a.m.. Nevertheless, she still had another proposal to do and hurried to open a new word document.

At this recollection, a grim look passed over the face of Ms Davelle, whose face was getting more and more sour as the scenes played back in her mind. She nearly forgot her half-done proposal. In her lethargy, she had fallen asleep as her laptop clicked into “energy-saving mode”. Wait, did she even save the half-done proposal? Oh no, oh no, thoughts raced through her mind at a frenetic pace, as she hurriedly pulled out her laptop and carried out a search for her “missing” document. Just before she could enter in the search, the manager called out, “All right Mrs Shanter, it’s your turn now!” oh no, how did my turn come to be so fast? She did not even have time to go through the breathing exercises that had been learnt from a yoga master at the start of her career and had stood the tests of her various presentations; not to mention, she did not have time to worry about not asking questions about other consultants’ presentations. She panicked; for the first time in her long successful career, she panicked during a presentation.

As expected, the manager did not look too happy. To herself, Ms Davelle seemed as if she had failed the manager’s expectations. Whatever wonderful first impression she had made on the manager seemed to have been washed off by her lousy presentation. But for some strange reason, probably it was her adequate preparation the night before, or probably it was her well-trained voice that could work reasonably well regardless of her inner turmoil, the manager accepted her proposal and took her on for the job. Ok, one more proposal to be executed. I guess I’ll be busy again tonight. Then, I guess I’ll join them for dinner tomorrow. Ms Davelle thought with a sigh, as she rushed out of the conference room back to her office building, where she sat typing out her next proposal while munching on the wholemeal sandwich she had packed for lunch.

Forgive me for the wierd spacings. It seems that the blogger format for posts is rather diff from the word format and I copied everything from a word doc. Nearly added a page turner at the end of the story. I dunno whether i'm missing anything, or if the story doesn't flow. Tell me if this ought to be chucked aside like Charms.

BOG and OR outing

2005-11-22T03:29:00.000-08:00

Oh man, internet suddenly failed and I have to retype my post! sigh... anyway, I found the botanic gardens a very inspirational place. Probably even more inspirational than church, which is already beautifully inspirational. But it took so long for me to get used to the orchard environment. The crowd, the whizzing traffic... signs of rushed living. But I find that it can be a very good place for character development, if one begins to concentrate and get focused; because there are so many people!

Majesty (Here I am) lyrics- Delirious?

Here I am humbled by your Majesty
Covered by your grace so free
Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man
Covered by the blood of the Lamb
Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

[Chorus]
Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty

Here I am humbled by the love that you give
Forgiven so that I can forgive
Here I stand, knowing that I'm your desire
Sanctified by glory and fire
Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

[Chorus]

This song really touched my heart. Though it never really got registered into my mind, every single time I hear it, I am once again touched by the never-failing love of God. wow.. really. Sorry for all who raise an eyebrow at my craziness for having posted so many psalms and christian songs. It's just that God's love is too good and great to keep to myself. Pardon me for a minute and I'll get straight back to my stories.

Upon re-reading the comments for my latest story, I realised that I'd better get on with finishing this story asap. I think you guys might be sick of me calling the story "my latest story" so I shall finally give it a name-- "Crash" (even though I call it "illusions" in my word doc). nevertheless...

Crash: Extract 3

"How do you expect to understand me? I see you are feeling very stressed from work; but please, bear in mind that I am not your stress ball which you can vent your anger and release your frustrations on." Her teenage son had answered back to her. Her heart crumbled at his harsh, piercing words. Now she understood how her husband must have felt when she said those words to him. "It's just that I get very worried when I see you unable to cope with school and all. Have I put you into the wrong school that has too high a standard for their students? Do you want to change to another school?” She asked, trying to come from a point of genuine concern for him. How on earth is she supposed to show concern to this life that has suddenly grown so different from all other lives that she understood; she has no idea.

"No mum. I told you already; I am happy in this school. The problem lies in me; I can’t manage my time properly. But I will try to change. You only see the outcome of my efforts. But of course, how are you supposed to see the processes that I so painstakingly try to go through?” Her son replied, trying to sound mature and understanding of the complicated world of adults. Sadness clouded over the one in the position of mum.

Sorry, that's just about as far as I got. better finish it asap. man... stress stress. so much to do, so little time. and I'm really doubting that I can finish 5 good proses in time for the CAP next year. Might have to wait until another year. oh well.. time is not on my side but I'll try. I've not one completed prose of yet, if you haven't realised yet. And my voice is still too strong! My characters are talking like me! sheesh...

btw, does anyone remember what Ms Tan said about the story I came up with in the botanic gardens (which i shall call "The sweeper")? She said that it sounded like someone with a positive mindset of his negative working environment or something like that.. I can't remember for sure. Anyone recalls? Thank you in advance to all who will comment!

Disappearance

2005-11-21T07:41:00.000-08:00

I see more and more illusions in life.. not only in mine.. but in others as well. just a thought: My presence goes unnoticed by the person who would be most concerned with it. in response to that, "then why don't you go tell her?" "I don't want to. I like it that way." Kinda cool... hiding behind computers, scurrying away from the art room every thurs by the time 12p.m. comes, sneaking away from the canteen...

Wanna know why God sometimes hides from us? To receive the joy of seeing us search high and low for Him, before finally finding Him. Then, the pursurer becomes the pursued and vice versa. Cool eh.. Praise God.. I smile at that thought... wow.

Crashing down

2005-11-20T00:52:00.000-08:00

Psalms 142

vs 1 I cry aloud to the LORD;
I lift up my voice to the LORD for mercy.
2 I pour out my complaint before Him; before him I tell my trouble.
3 When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way. In the path where I walk men have hidden a snare for me.
4 Look to my right and see; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge; no one cares for my life.
5 I cry to you, O LORD; I say, "You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living."
6 Listen to my cry, for I am i desperate need; rescue me from those who pursue me, for they are too strong for me.
7 Set me free from my prison, thast I may praise your name. Then the righteous will gather about me because of your goodness to me.

Really nice psalm. and it ties in with the extract I shall post today.

"My dear, you have been very caught up with your work these days. We haven't gone out for dinner together for a very long time." Her husband told her. "Then what do you expect me to do? Neglect my work and we'll just depend on that measly sum that you bring in every month?" She retaliated out of spite for the implications of his words, but more for her life that has been getting more and more out of her control. Still, no matter what her anger was directed at, her husband felt the pain. He had always prided himself in being able to comprehend her feelings and emotion and give her the premium help required to pull her out of whatever trench she landed herself into. Now, he felt useless; he was unable to reap in a good income, and yet, he still sounded as if he expected his wife to split her time evenly between him and her work.

"No, I don't mean that. It's just that... argh, just try to spend more time with us..." Ms Davelle's husband tried explaining, his usual gentle nature taking over. But this time round, his ability to find the correct words to comfort her failed him. He stumbled over his words. "Oh never mind. Don't bother explaining. I don't expect you to understand me. No one can. I'll try to change. It's just that the painstaking process that I have to go through is not that easy-going all the time," Ms Davelle replied, before escaping the conversation by going to check on her son. She thought she could glimpse a wretched look pass over her husband's face, a painful scrunching up of his face.

"Arguments are universal; couples argue. But it's the way that they solve the problem that differs." true.. really. But if a relationship still stands strong through an argument, man, I tell you that that relationship has already been strengthened. Hear however, my character doesn't seem to good at solving relationship problems... not to mention, she's brilliant at solving business problems. I have changed the names here from my original to aid the readers in this blog. editing goes on backstage but I have no idea whether to continue with this story or concentrate on Charms.

My initial plan was not for Charms to twist but nic is looking forward to a twist. Kylie and royston, they want emotionx, description... me? I dunno what I want. And I think that it's pathetic for the author to not know what she wants in her story. oh nvm..

Life

2005-11-19T07:40:00.000-08:00

I wish I could type the whole of Psalm 39 here but I have limited time. So I shall just post part of it.

vs4 Show me, O Lord, my life's end and the number of days; let me know how fleeting is my life.
5 You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath.
6 Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro: He bustles about but only in vain; he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it.
7 But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you.

burdens

2005-11-18T14:00:00.000-08:00

Psalms 23

The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie on green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,
He restores my soul.
He guides me in the paths of righteouness
For His name's sake.
Even though I walk through
The valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil
For you are with me;
For you rod and your staff,
They comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
In the presence of my enemies.
You annoint my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
All the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever.

I dunno how to bring out the meaning of this in my prose. Help! And i'm still wondering; am I actually supposed to pursue writing? maybe not.. well, i'm just taking whatever oppurtunities I have. "No matter what the outcome may be, success of failure, it is still a good learning oppurtunity. Your essay about yourself was chosen, remember?" Well, that was helpful.

Psalms 55: 16-23

But I call to God,
And the Lord saves me.
Evening, morning and noon
I cry out in distress,
And he hears my voice.
He ransoms me unharmed (man, he RANSOMS us. there's a price involved! now isn't that powerful?)
From the battle waged against me,
Even though many oppose me.
God, who is enthroned forever,
Will hear them and afflict them--
Men who never change their ways
And have no fear of the God.

My companion attacks his friends;
He violates his covenant.
His speech is smooth as butter,
Yet war is in his heart;
His words are more soothing than oil,
yet they are drawn swords.

Cast your cares on the Lord
And He will sustain you;
He will never let the righteous fall.
But you, O God, will bring down the wicked
Into the pit of corruption;
Bloodthirsty and deceitful men
Will not live out half their days.

But as for me, I will trust in you.

oh well... so many psalms today. btw kylie, can I reveal personality and intelligence later in the story. Can I reveal it in a more subtle way?

Extract 1

2005-11-18T11:34:00.000-08:00

Urgh.. Charms is not turning out too good. Might consider just retyping all the ideas I have developed in my drafts into a new document, totally not caring about what I hav typed in the first place. then, after I rechecked the new doc, I'll just trash the current one I'm using. I currently have 2 docs containing all the extracts I have posted, each leading the story in a different direction. I worked on this story line cos I this easier to bring across my point, so the other is not finished. Nevertheless, Charms will be retyped.

Meanwhile, to keep up with posts, I shall post this extract of yet another story. I'm not gonna post the title this time round, though one ought to have at least a rough idea of how this might turn out. The story is undergoing construction in yet another word doc and this extract is from 2 of the paragraphs.

A tall slim figure stepped into the conference room. The woman’s entrance immediately captured the attention of all the other consultants, as well as that of the manager, with whom the consultants present were trying to clinch a deal with. The frown of impatience disappeared from the manager’s face.

What exactly was it that made her so attractive, it is hard to say. Maybe, it was her long silky hair resting on her slender shoulders. Maybe, it was the fair, blemish-free face that this ebony hair framed. Or maybe, it was the pair of deep-set amber eyes, enhanced by dark, long eyelashes, that seemed to hold a somewhat enchanting beauty. Or could it just be the calmness that one can feel in her presence, the calmness in the knowledge that everything is under control? Anyone could tell that this gorgeous woman could summon beauty beyond description. But a professional would tell you that she is of “model quality”.

Qoute of the day (not from me though): Royston types immediately into his posts without having to first go through it many times on a word doc; and his works are of supreme quality.. I didn't say that but nevertheless, I shall put it here.

Charms- Draft 1

2005-11-17T07:14:00.000-08:00

Finally! My full draft for "Charms". Comments please? It's still sketchy so feel free to give me any suggestions for change. and, ignore my previous post on anorexia. It is of brainstorming stage and seriously lacking any purpose. Still, you can see my style in that writing.

Charms- Draft 1

Kirono sat by the kitchen window. The sweet tinkling sound of her wind chime rang throughout the house. It had been given by Father last year on her 10th birthday.
"Wind chimes signify good luck in Africa. May the blessings of peace and prosperity be upon you." The warm voice said. Father had always given Kirono good luck charms from around the world, each birthday a new charm from a different part of the world. Amongst them was a handmade dream catcher from the States hung around her bedpost, as well as a Maneki Neko, a ceramic figurine of a beckoning cat carefully positioned on her desk. The rest, Kirono kept in different parts of her cosy room.

"Oh thank you Father!" Wrapped in her father's embrace, Kirono was quite so sure that this peace would last. Without hesitation, she ran to the kitchen with the chime and hung it by the kitchen window. "You're not going to hang that in your bedroom?" Father questioned, with eyebrows raised in surprise. "No, I have more than enough good luck; this is for our whole entire family." "Ah very well! That's nice of you." The cheerful curtain of happiness covering Father’s eyes seemed to have been suddenly pulled open, revealing a sad look that glazed the windows of his eyes. For a moment, the air seemed to tense up and grow so cold that even the young Kirono could sense it. "Let's start preparing dinner together!" Kirono's chirpy voice pierced the gloom. She most certainly did not want anything to destroy the cheerful atmosphere of celebration. "Ok ok. Let's begin." Father seemed to be struck dumb, and Mother, in an effort to prevent Kirono from suspecting anything, replied in his stead.

Kirono now understood why. Father had been called to war. He had claimed that it was the will of the gods that he must fight for his country as a samurai. As far as Japanese tradition instructs, a wife must be supportive; therefore Mother, however unwilling she was, had aided him in his preparation for leave.

“Why can’t you explain to the gods that you don’t want to go to war? Haven’t you always taught me that war is cruel?” The indignant Kirono had questioned. “Some things are just not meant to be understood.” Now that was an answer that Kirono was not satisfied with. She wanted explanation, not facts stated out plainly in front of her. As Kirono was about to repeat her question, Mother tried to explain, “Kirono, all you have to understand, it that the will of the gods is not for us to control. We have to obey them. If Father’s going to war is in accordance to the will of the gods, war is good.” “But…” “Someday Kirono, you will understand. Not yet now, but someday,” Mother interrupted.

Just then, a soft breeze blew by. The melody of the wind chime seemed to bring a little hope, a little joy to the people in the tensed atmosphere. “You see Kirono; the charm will bring good luck to your father. He will not come to any harm,” Mother said in an attempt to lift Kirono’s spirits. Kirono nodded her head slowly but thoughtfully.

“Alas, duty calls. I have to leave now.” Father stood up straight. Picking up his bag, he turned to his family, “Bye dear. Bye Kirono.” “Bye Father! May the blessings of peace and prosperity be upon you!” Kirono said with a deep longing in her eyes, hoping that Father would notice and embrace her again. Mother was also trying to exchange one more loving glance with him. But he just turned around swiftly and marched out of the door, as if he is already in the military.

A year had passed. Kirono's 11th birthday came. Mother was hunched over the dining table, reading the letter that had been so briefly written by Father. The wind howled furiously, getting colder and colder by the minute. Sitting by the window, Kirono could plainly tell by the look on her face that the contents of it made her sad. She shook her head and released her grip on the letter. It fluttered towards the tabletop before being thrown off course by a gust of cold wind, landing it in the living room. Kirono sprang up from her seat by the window and ran to where it had landed. Just as she was about to pick it up, the wind swept it up again, as if wanting to prevent her from reading the letter. She waited for the letter to land on the floor before snatching it up with one swift motion.

Kirono’s heart began to fill with dread as her eyes moved to the beginning of the letter. This sickening feeling continued to accumulate in that young heart as her eyes moved slowly across the letter.

My family,

I write my last letter to you. I am honoured to have received a call from General Hiroto to train as a Kamikaze pilot. You might question my delight at this call, but for the sake of living up to the Bushido, I shall lay down my very life.

For loyalty to my superiors, personal honour and the virtues of austerity, self-sacrifice and indifference to pain,
Sergeant Kanzi

For loyalty to my superiors, personal honour and the virtues of austerity, self-sacrifice and indifference to pain. These words kept playing in Kirono’s head. What about honour for the family? What about sacrifice for the welfare of one’s family? Are they not just as, if not, more important? And training to lose you life is most certainly not a very austere way of living. Kirono’s angry thoughts fired at Father. Indifference to pain… Does Father not feel pain upon seeing us suffer without his physical presence? Does he think that we too should feel indifferent to the pain that we would experience at his parting? She wanted to hurl questions at him, demand answers, and give him a good piece of her mind. But yet, she knows that she can never see him again. Not even say a prayer over his dead body, for the lifeless body would be somewhere at the bottom of some rubble or salty ocean.

She felt hot angry tears welling up from within her, but yet, they seem to just crystallise inside her, unable to flow out. Probably it was the respect for Father that made her not shed tears for his painful (someone give me a hand with this word) decision. I guess that for her, Father’s decisions, no matter what kind, are still “Father’s revered decisions”.

Kirono walked up to the kitchen window. A bitter wind rushed through the window. The tinkling of the wind chime rang a melancholic tone in her ears. The cold tinkling and the sharp wind chilled her once warm heart.

From within that heart, a sudden desire to give Father a hug stirred up, overcoming the initial bitterness and resentment towards him. "War is cruel," a heartbroken voice cut the hard silence. "Yes Mother, war is cruel," Kirono replied softly, more to herself than to Mother. I always knew it; war was, is and forever will be cruel. No charm can change that.

The 3-min programme

2005-11-14T23:26:00.000-08:00

today, during the prose workshop, we did a couple of exercises on developing different parts of our story. Didn't have quite much energy left by the time we did the Shakespeare exercise on Character development so it wasn't done to the best of my abilities. Nevertheless, I took the chance during the 3-min programme to develop the plot that I thought of last night but put aside to concentrate on my current piece on Kirono, which I shall call "Charms". Title may be subject to change.

Anyway, presenting "Anorexia Nervosa": Draft 1. (and I mean draft 1 cos I haven't finetuned it through research)

I entered the train, looking for a place to sit. To my dismay, all the seats were full. Oh well, I thought to myself, and grabbed on to a handrail. My stomach was rumbling violently. that stupid stomach; it keeps getting hungry. Nevertheless, I pulled my belt one notch tighter. I looked at my bulging stomach. I have worn a belt as I make my way towards the day when I can fit into that size four pair of jeans. I do not have enough money to afford jeans that go down the decreasing sizes, thus, the belt that can be tightened.

Ah, the hunger will go away, as always, I thought, frantically trying to ignore the grumblings of my stomach. But my efforts proved to be in vain as the pangs of hunger never seemed ceased. My head started to swirl. I tightened my grip on the handrail in an attempt to steady myself. Man, why am I so weak? Is two hours of running in the park in addition to 4 hours in the gym insufficient? My vision began to blur and my legs proved unable to support my body any longer. Have I really become so fat that even my legs are unable to support my weight? Yuck, these detestable fats stuck to every inch of my body like caramel to teeth. As to how I should get rid of them, I have not a clue.

A lady stood up from her seat and just in time too, as cold sweat broke out on my face. When I managed to gain enough consciousness to once again be aware of my surroundings, I noticed an elderly woman glaring at me. I guess that she was the warm body whom I had so hurriedly pushed away from the seat. It was only then that I noticed that many people in the train cabin were also casting their stares at me. I must have really looked like a chicken desperate to escape from the slaughter house as I scrambled to my seat.

A thought suddenly struck me with horror.

I shall stop here. It's geting late here. Anyway, since I ended it this way, what do you think will happen next? Have I been too long-winded here?

Simple Things: Extract 2

2005-11-13T18:30:00.000-08:00

Kirono sat by the kitchen window. The sweet tinkling sound of her wind chime rang throughout the house. It had been given by Father last year on her 10th birthday.

"Windchimes signify good luck in Africa. May the blessings of peace and prosperity be upon you." The warm voice said. Father had always given Kirono good luck charms from around the world. Just to name a few: a handmade dreamcatcher from the States that was hung around her bedpost; a Maneki Neko, which is a ceramic figurine of a beckoning cat that was carefully positioned on her desk.

"Oh thank you Father!" Wrapped in her father's embrace, Kirono was quite so sure that this peace would last. Without hesitation, she ran to the kitchen with the chime and hung it by the kitchen window. "You're not going to hang that in yourbedroom?" Father questioned, with eyebrows raised in surprise. "No, I have more than enough good luck; this is for our whole entire family." "Ah very well! That's nice of you." Father exchanged a sad glance with Mother. For a moment, a sad atmosphere came over the house. "Let's start preparing dinner together!" Kirono's chirpy voice lifted the gloom. "Ok ok. Let's begin." Mother replied, for Father seemed to have been struck dumb.

Kirono now understood why. He had been called to war. He had claimed that it was the will of the gods, that he must fight for his country as a samurai. As a supportive wife, Mother had aided him in his preparation for leave.

A year had passed. Kirono's 11th birthday. Mother was hunched over the dining table, reading the letter that had been so briefly written by Father. Its contents did not seem to be any bit of good news to Mother. She shook her head sadly and released her grip on the letter. It was supposed to drop on the tabletop, but a strong cold wind blew it out of the kitchen into the living room.

I'm feeling very tired now. I shall stop here for the moment. Comments please? This ought to go to the front of my story.

Simple things: Extract 1

2005-11-13T00:08:00.000-08:00

So sorry for not posting quite so often enough. I write more often in my journal where one can see the most sketchy of all drafts. Brainstorming, planning.. a lot takes place in my journal. I think my idea for the entanglement of words would develop into a bit too complicated a plot for me to handle at my young writing stage. I shall attempt something a little bit simpler for the moment and chuck that idea away. I've still a good deal of research to do on this topic but nevertheless, i'll post this extract that I came up with.

Kirono walked up to the kitchen window. A cold, bitter wind rushed through the window. The tinkling of the wind chime rang a melancholic tone in her ears. The cold tinkling and the sharp wind chilled her once warm heart. (am I being too descriptive here?)

From within that heart, a sudden desire to give Father a hug stirred up, overcoming the initial bitterness and resentment towards him. "War is cruel," a heartbroken voice cut the hard silence. "Yes Mother, war is cruel," Kirono said softly, more to herself than to Mother. I always knew it; war was, is and forever will be cruel.

Which part of the story do you guys think that this extract will go into? It's very short, I don't deny that. I shall take this time and space to take Kylie and Royston for their insightful comments. Royston, am I using too many "her" and cutting the flow of the prose? Kylie, am I being confusing again? Should I continue with this story? I think I shall. Extract 2 will come up soon enough. Momentarily, this story shall be called "simple things". Thank you!

The Entanglement of Words

2005-11-10T19:46:00.000-08:00

urgh.. this blog really looks disgusting. ah heck. Let's see who'll still come to this ugly blog.

The Entanglement of Words
Her lips cracked open,
Her muscles twitched nervously,
Her tongue lifted shakily
In preparation of producing.. words.

All strengt left her mouth;
It just dropped open.
Deep within her,
She is undecided, lost f0r words.
Oh how to express
The emotions that are churning so.

Unable to put a word
To describe the groanings of her heart,
She rushes in frantic attempt
To put them into meaningless chains of.. words.

The more the torrents
Rush out of her mouth,
The more she brought confusion
To others and herself.

How limiting
The vocabulary of this world;
It forces us,
More often than not,
To communicate with the heart.

Very unfinished. Like an unfinished unrefined symphony. Gosh... BUt I praise God that He send His Spirit to intervene for us, that when we experience hurt that is impossible to explain through words, the Spirit intervenes to God on our behalf, that we may be healed. Praise God!

Purpose

2005-11-10T11:44:00.000-08:00

Gosh, the stress from the CAP! ok, I know i'm not supposed to be stressed over it. Man, writers must be creative, imaginative and original. OH gosh.. I start this blog empty-handed. Not a single writing talent to call in my name. And btw, the skin is so ugly because I'm so sick of looking for skins that I gave up on it. Nothing looks proper for this blog. Can't find a skin that matched the purpose of this blog and everything must have a purpose.