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Simple things: Extract 1

Sunday, November 13, 2005

So sorry for not posting quite so often enough. I write more often in my journal where one can see the most sketchy of all drafts. Brainstorming, planning.. a lot takes place in my journal. I think my idea for the entanglement of words would develop into a bit too complicated a plot for me to handle at my young writing stage. I shall attempt something a little bit simpler for the moment and chuck that idea away. I've still a good deal of research to do on this topic but nevertheless, i'll post this extract that I came up with.

Kirono walked up to the kitchen window. A cold, bitter wind rushed through the window. The tinkling of the wind chime rang a melancholic tone in her ears. The cold tinkling and the sharp wind chilled her once warm heart. (am I being too descriptive here?)

From within that heart, a sudden desire to give Father a hug stirred up, overcoming the initial bitterness and resentment towards him. "War is cruel," a heartbroken voice cut the hard silence. "Yes Mother, war is cruel," Kirono said softly, more to herself than to Mother. I always knew it; war was, is and forever will be cruel.

Which part of the story do you guys think that this extract will go into? It's very short, I don't deny that. I shall take this time and space to take Kylie and Royston for their insightful comments. Royston, am I using too many "her" and cutting the flow of the prose? Kylie, am I being confusing again? Should I continue with this story? I think I shall. Extract 2 will come up soon enough. Momentarily, this story shall be called "simple things". Thank you!

Chui Yi {author} posted at: 12:08 AM

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